So we have a rather different idea here I wanted to go with for today’s article. Normally we don’t do too many top “#” lists and I personally never went with making one, but while trying to figure out what in the sacred Feth to do an article on, I ended up remembering an old video where someone dubbed the dialogue from a quick scene from the characters from Clerks and put it over some video from Yami no Matsuei, or Descendants of Darkness. I’ve attached the hilarious video below (tad NSFW for audio), and just a heads up that Descendants of Darkness is actually Yaoi, so that you don’t just spend time watching to be really, REALLY, REALLY thrown off when that comes up as a thing.

Alrighty, that funny clip aside, lets get on with my list that is in literally no specific order and simply exists on an Ordinal Scale. Fun fact, “the ordinal [scale] allows for rank order (1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc.) by which data can be sorted, but still does not allow for relative degree of difference between them,” and is not some random gibberish title stolen by Sword Art Online for their mediocre and plot hole filled movie.

#6. 3D Maneuvering Gear – Attack on Titan

The first form of transportation on this list is a great and probably well known form you’d likely seen before, the 3D Maneuvering Gear or 3DM Gear from Attack on Titan. For those of you who’ve never seen this, it’s a unique combination of grappling hooks and sword holsters that serves as the main form of weapon of the Scout and Guard regiments that allows them to move around and kill massive titans like an army of ninja spiderman. Powered by pressurized gas, and a series of complex straps and gears, it allows our heroes to move about in style, if not dangerously. Also gotta love that “PWOOOOOSH” sound it makes when fired off.

#5. Anti-Tank Rifle – Izetta The Last Witch

Ok, for those of you older fans of BAYOG probably remember that I really enjoyed this alternate WWII story about a magical girl witch in AU Europe circa 1939. One of the main components that immediately had me hooked was that the titular Izetta, upon waking up in an exploding plane mid-air, grabs onto an anti-tank rifle and magically imbues it in order to ride it like witches ride brooms in our general lore. The just sheer insanity that she rides upon a weapon designed to punch through 33mm of armor at 100 meters away. For those of you wanting an American comparison, that means at a football field distance away, this thing could punch through about 1.3 inches of steel plating, A.K.A. one hell of a ride.

#4. Crescent Moon – Golden Boy

Over the course of Golden Boy, Kintaro Oe roams all of Japan essentially being This Guy. He comes across as a ditz, a lecher, a pervert, and a klutz, but while those are all rather correct, he’s more than that. He is a philanthropist, genius, kind-hearted man that just about any guy could respect in the big picture, even if he has his moments. He would be unable to cross Japan and making the world a better place if he didn’t have the means to travel and his preferred mode of transit is his bike, Crescent Moon. While appearing humble and fairly simple, the true power of this generic looking pink/lightish red bike is revealed in one episode where from the above images you see Kintaro ride down curving mountain paths at speed and along power lines, even going so far as to ramp off legitimate mountains, all while racing sport motorcycles. This coupled with the fact that it’s just so humble a form of transportation really helps make Kintaro come across as a good and down to earth kind of dude.

#3. Dog – Aho-Girl

Off the topic of recreating fun racing scenes from Initial D down winding mountain paths, we have Dog, being ridden by our favorite idiot, Yoshiko Hanabatake the idiot girl from Aho-Girl. Coming across at first as a monstrous and terrifying beast tormenting the local children, Dog is soon tamed and named by Yoshiko and becomes her loyal companion. As you can see above, Dog’s massive enough to ride and ride him, Yoshiko does. More than simply being a great mount and trusted comrade, Dog is also rather intelligent, being able to bond with the show’s Straight Man and amazingly voiced A-Kun. Overall, he serves as an amazing character to help deliver some great comedy in an already great and comedic show. Also, he’s a dog and dog’s are awesome.

#2. Hayajirō – Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress

The Hayajirō or steam trains of the world of Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress are a terrifying wonder and amazing bit of engineering. Very akin to another Wit Studio anime and transportation method on this list, Kabaneri has a world with survivors living in not one massive walled area, but a number of fortified “stations” that serve as hubs and homes for individuals as they fight not massive Titans, but hordes of iron skinned zombies, called Kabane. In order to move from station to station, Hayajirō are utilized and as show above, are formidable mobile fortresses in their own right. Often equipped with massive turrets and gun ports, these engines are designed to literally plow right through the enemy and keep on trucking (or training I suppose is more accurate). Overall this is the most destructive and powerful form of transportation on this list…so far…

#1. Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann – Gurren Lagann

Alrighty, give me this moment to completely and unabashedly be a Gurren Lagann fan right here. This is probably the most anime and definitely the largest mecha form of transportation that exists to my knowledge. Just to explain to you the size and immense crazy that is STTGL or Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann, allow me to provide you a quote on the sheer scale of this thing:

“Super Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann is 52.8 billion light years tall, according to the official guide book from GAINAX (仕事魂). This makes it about 58% the size of the observable universe, which spans 91 billion light years.

After transforming into its drill form, its size is multiplied significantly, since its Super Tengen Toppa Giga Drill is at least ten times longer (528 billion light years), and about four times wider. This gives it a cone area over 180 times the size of the Super Tengen Toppa, and a multiversal scale the size of over 100 universes.”

Let that sink in for a minute or two. That’s bigger in scale than we can physically process as human beings. Essentially this is the outcome of what happens when you have kids on the school playground saying “my robot is powerful times infinity” then replying with “infinity times infinity” and never stopping. There’s a moment in this show where they face an enemy who can see multiple timelines a la Dr. Strange in Infinity War. Their solution? Shoot missiles, with such quantity and quality to take up all of space and time. It can move at a speed a hundred quintillion (10²⁰) times faster than the speed of light. This thing’s weapon is the size of 100 UNIVERSES. I honestly just want to tell people to go watch Gurren Lagann so you can track the madness and beauty that is this thing. Then go watch the 2nd movie so you can see that they just wanted to scale up AGAIN.

All jokes aside, I hope you really enjoyed this article as it was fun to write. Again, this wasn’t a top list or anything just kinda fun and random anime transportation that is either rather unique or rather normal and subsequently made unique. Feel free to let me know anything else you had on your mind in terms of strange and amazing transportation in anime. I’d love for us to start doing videos of this sort of thing too so if that interests you and/or you liked this please let us know at BAYOG so we can make things you want to read about or at least find funny/entertaining.