MHAM| Music Monday | NIve — Broken Kaleidoscope

Hello BAYOG Fam~ I know, I should’ve had the drama post up…but I still haven’t finished it. I was hoping to finish the final episode and finish my post, but I got pretty slammed with work and everything. So we gonna try getting that out this week after I finish my appointments and other time-sensitive stuff. Anyway, May is Mental Health Awareness Month. If y’all have been with me for a while, you know that mental health is an incredibly important topic to me. You’ve also probably been with me through my own journey through BAYOG. So it’ll be befitting that I have a Music Monday themed post to go with Mental Health Awareness Month. Last year, I did a series of posts for our [Mental Health Awareness Month Playlist]. My posting schedule already seems to be incredibly irregular and I had been planning on a hiatus, so I can’t promise to do that this year. But we’ll start off with today’s post and see, hmm? Today, I wanted to share NIve’s Broken Kaleidoscope.

Trigger/content warning though: This post and the album does touch upon some sensitive and triggering topics regarding mental health.

Alright, we did cover NIve before in a previous [Music Monday post] as well as the previously mentioned Mental Health Awareness Month playlist from last year. But let’s do a refresher, shall we? NIve’s real name is Park Ji Soo and he’s also known as Brian Park. He’s a singer, songwriter, composer, and producer. He was born in the States, raised in Korea during his elementary years, Australia during his middle and early high school days, and then moved back to the States. He then participated as a contestant on [Superstar K], making it to the top 9. He signed with 153 Entertainment in 2018 and made his debut in November with the single “Getaway”. He’s also credited with writing, comprising, and producing songs for various notable K-Pop artists like EXO, Sam Kim, Jeong Sewoon, Paul Kim, NCT, and even BTS. He [worked with BTS’ V (Kim Taehyung)] to write and produce [“Blue & Grey“]. You can find his solo cover of it [here]. He’s also collabed with [Heize], Sam Kim, and other artists. While NIve isn’t one of my ultimate favorite artists, I do really appreciate his music and lyrics and appreciate his songwriting process. I especially appreciate how genuine his music and lyrics feel. His songs feel personal, and you can really tell that they have a part of him in them. They come from the heart, and I find them really relatable. Especially in regards to his songs that relate to the thoughts and emotions one may feel when dealing with their mental health or even just feelings of loneliness and anxiety. It’s sometimes comforting in that these songs directly relate to such emotions from a first-person perspective, and makes you feel less alone. Some of these songs are also just a message of comfort and strength from another person. Some of these songs that I really appreciate are: [“Tired“], [“Liberated“], [“new light“], and [“what is life?“]. Of course, there’s also BTS’ “Blue & Grey” in that list as well. Aside from those tracks, some of my favorite tracks with NIve include NIve x Sam Kim’s [“Like A Fool“] and NIve’s [“2easy (Feat. Heize)“]. Those two are easily my most fave tracks from him.

As I said before, NIve’s songs always seem to come from a personal place. I feel like that’s even moreso the case for this particular EP. Broken Kaleidoscope was released back in July 2021. This album is centered around the worries if what you’re doing is right or not. Like a kaleidoscope, humans are full of different colors, shapes, and vibes depending on the different angles and turns. The EP really does suit the idea of a kaleidoscope in the way it conveys various emotions, thoughts, and vibes it has with every track. For the most part, you have pop on this album. The album opens up with “Escape”, which has this feisty vibe and emotion of being fed-up and just wanting an escape. It’s a bit more on the fast and upbeat side. There’s a soft, dreamy, and melancholic track like “Maybe I Wanna Die”. It captures this feeling of helplessness. Next we have, “I’m Alive”. It’s a strong, rock kind of track that’s filled with powerful determination. Next up, we have “Perfect Dancer”. NIve describes this as the brightest and most positive track on the EP. He describes as being the most “in the middle” in regards to emotions. But you can think of this as a song of optimism and positive determination to get through what life throws at you. Lastly, we also have a more soft ballad-type song like “To: My Dear Friend” that’s full of comfort and motivation. These songs and the EP seem to capture the different experiences and emotions that NIve has experienced so far through his lifetime. And again, I feel like they’re all something that everyone has gone through and can relate to. So while I wouldn’t consider the EP or songs to be my favorite, I do feel like that’s really struck me in the heart. Particularly because this album came out as I was struggling with a lot of stress, anxiety, and worries. It was during the time one of my younger relatives passed from su*cide. While I wasn’t triggered back into my own previous negative state, I was overwhelmed and struggling with a lot of emotions and thoughts. I remember this EP coming out specifically when I was on my way to the 100-day memorial service. I listened to that EP during the whole 8-hour out-of-state car drive, and I do remember silently crying in the backseat as I listened to it. It just brought a lot of comfort to me, helped heal my heart a bit, and gave me the strength to comfort my loved ones. The two songs that I think stuck with me most would definitely be “Maybe I Wanna Die” and “To: My Dear Friend”.

“…not every day is going to be a happy, sunny day. You know, you’re going to have a bad day, bad moment, sad moment…but, you know, it’s okay. Knowing that it’s okay to feel that way will keep you motivated to keep on going.”

NIve

You can listen to Broken Kaleidoscope on Spotify, here:

Extras:

NIve does have a YouTube playlist with a bunch of videos pertaining to this album: official audio, music videos, visualizers, live performances, and behind-the-scenes types of stuff. So You’re more than welcome to check those out if you’re interested in more details about each track and the process behind the album.

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Escape

For me, I feel like “Escape” captures the feeling of being frustrated and just fed up. And the message is that sometimes it’s okay to escape and get away from everything. Also, there is an acoustic version that was released as a single. Slightly different vibe, but it’s a great track.

I’d die for love and peace
I really do mean it baby
I close my eyes agian and swallow up this burning city in my heart

Mama! I know this is enough now
I’mma ride away
Mama! So if you want to live this inevitable life then, ooh

Sometimes it’s okay to run-a, run-a, run-a, run away
What other people say (What other people say),
It don’t really mean a thing (Don’t mean a thing)
Gonna ride-a, ride-a, ride-a, ride away
(Ride, ride, ride away)
Don’t look for me today
‘Cuz it’s my damn escape!
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na my escape
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na my escape

Looking up over there at the sun in the sky
Staring intently with eyes wide open
I guess people must be blinded by greed that breeds anger
I can’t even protect one small thing
I’m not asking for anything I don’t deserve
All I really want is one thing: just air

Sometimes it’s okay to run-a, run-a, run-a, run away
What other people say (What other people say),
It don’t really mean a thing (Don’t mean a thing)
Gonna ride-a, ride-a, ride-a, ride away
(Ride, ride, ride away)
Don’t look for me today
‘Cuz it’s my damn escape!”
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na my escape
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na my escape

I gotta escape, I gotta escape
I gotta escape from this town
I gotta escape, I gotta escape
I gotta escape from this town
I gotta escape, I gotta escape
I gotta escape from this town
I gotta escape, I gotta escape
I gotta escape from this town
I gotta escape, I gotta escape
I gotta escape from this town
I gotta escape, I gotta escape
I gotta escape from this town

Sometimes it’s okay to run-a, run-a, run-a, run away
What other people say (What other people say),
It don’t really mean a thing (Don’t mean a thing)
Gonna ride-a, ride-a, ride-a, ride away
(Ride, ride, ride away)
Don’t look for me today
‘Cuz it’s my damn escape!
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na my escape
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na my escape

NIve | Escape

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Maybe I Wanna Die

If I were to be honest, this was the first track that really caught my attention when I first listened to the EP. The title was enough to grab my attention, but the song and lyrics itself really struck a chord in my heart. This one I could immediately relate to. It’s something I could completely relate to with every line, and every word when I think of a time when I would force a smile and just feel so hollow. Sometimes people face so much, that they become broken, and just tired of everything. Everything just seems to be passing by. Sometimes, you can’t even recognize yourself. There’s a feeling of loneliness and numbness to living. One can feel completely lost as to where to go. Life and the world just seems colorless. There are such times when one’s will to live seems to diminish. You can feel so extremely tired where you honestly just wish you’d stop breathing and wonder whether you really want to live or not. You just end up trying to wait for the next day or night to pass by. Yet, everything feels meaningless. During my own struggle, the phrase that really stuck to me then was, “I’m breathing and alive, but why doesn’t it feel like I’m living.” So again, this song really stuck to me. But despite the seemingly melancholic lyrics, it ends with “I wanna breathe…I don’t wanna die… I just wanna live…” Living is tough. Living when you’re going through such negative emotions and thoughts can be so extremely tiring that you contemplate thinking that you just want to die. However, the truth is we don’t really want to die. We want to breathe. We want to find something to keep us going. We just want to be able to breathe is all. For me, I found this song perfectly captured that. It captured this subtle and lonely sense of hopelessness. Then the sense of feeling overwhelmed as everything builds up and then eventually spills over. You can really feel this as the song really starts to build up before slowing back down and eventually revealing the deepest and most inner thoughts of actually wanting to live.

The wind that blows through the air
Making the night feel cool
Aches for some reason
I force myself to smile
Yes, just like that
There’s someone that looks just like me standing in the mirror

The loneliness that has become a habit
Just where does this end?
This doesn’t seem to be a life
That anybody would want
I don’t know where I’m going
I’m just swinging by, don’t be scared
Should I give into the colorless stain at the end over there?

Maybe I, I, I don’t belong here
It all feels meaningless
Maybe I just don’t wanna breathe in
Yeah, I think maybe I wanna die
Why do I have to wait until the night passes by?
Maybe I wanna see the sun shine
Looking for a perfect reason to breathe

If tonight ends up being my last night
I’m going to express myself in ways I couldn’t before
Can’t take this nay longer, take this any longer, this fire
Should I give into the flames at the end over there?

Maybe I, I, I don’t belong here
It all feels meaningless
Maybe I just don’t wanna breathe in
Yeah, I think maybe I wanna die
Why do I have to wait until the night passes by?
Maybe I wanna see the sun shine
Looking for a perfect reason to breathe

I wanna breathe, I wanna breathe
I wanna breathe, I wanna breathe
I wanna breathe, I wanna breathe
I don’t wanna die
I just wanna live

NIve | Maybe I Wanna Die

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I’m Alive

This is a song that definitely conveys strong determination in times where things seem most difficult and against you. It’s got a punch and it’s definitely a song that reminds you that you’re alive and to fight forward with a powerful determination. While I’m typically not a huge fan of these super like strong and loud types of tracks, I really do appreciate the message and emotions in this track. It’s also definitely a great followup song after the previous track.

Rise again
I get up again and see
The world is covered in ashes
What’s at the end of all this chaos?
There’s nothing left but my heartbeat

Even if thorns pierce through the grey skies
I’m gonna keep myself alive

I’m alive, I’m alive
I won’t die
Shine forever, the one and only highlight

The light that I had once lost
Is shimmering again with new life
When the song of despair echoes through this land
Riding on this empty road, yeah
See that distant place over there
And find the key that gives you the answer to life

Ooh, it’s close
I can almost reach it
Ooh, closer
That rising sun

I’m alive, I’m alive
I won’t die
Shine forever, the one and only highlight
Ooh, I’m alive
Ooh, I’m alive

Ride, ride keep on searching
Ride, ride keep on breathing
Ride, ride keep on staying alive in this world
Ride, ride keep on searching
Ride, ride keep on breathing
Ride, ride keep alive my life

Shine forever, the one and only highlight
Ooh, I’m alive
Ooh, I’m alive

NIve | I’m Alive

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Perfect Dancer

Again, this is the most upbeat and positive-sounding track on the album. It’s definitely a more bright and optimistic track where it compares living life to dancing on stage. There are uncertainties, fear, and obstacles, but we’ll make it through to get to that perfect life that we want. Things may not always go as we plan, but certainly, there’s beauty in that and the journey to get to that “perfect life”.

Gotta be myself, having come with nothing
I started as dust on the ground
Sometimes I hate life
But I’m just hoping for the peace in me, oh yeah

Do I know myself? Honestly, I don’t know
Where should I hold this key?
My beating heart hurts me
But I’m just hoping for that piece of me, oh yeah

It’s a very dark stage
It’s a very cold stage
Because life hurts so much
I’m afraid of tomorrow
But I know I will dance with you
I won’t stop and I’ll dance with you, yeah

Yeah dance with me, my perfect life
The broken moon is beautiful
I’m running through the ruined grasslands
Keep on running
Be my guest
Yeah dance with me, my perfect life
I’m sure that at the end of our dance
I’ll find myself in that faint shout

I just wanna be, wanna be a better dancer
Taking these dull steps, step by step
The song of this momentary life

It’s a very dark stage
It’s a very cold stage
Because life hurts so much
I’m afraid of tomorrow
But I know I will dance with you
I won’t stop and I’ll dance with you, yeah

Yeah dance with me, my perfect life
The broken moon is beautiful
I’m running through the ruined grasslands
Keep on running
Be my guest
Yeah dance with me, my perfect life
I’m sure that at the end of our dance
I’ll find myself in that faint shout
(Dance with me)
(Dance with me)

NIve | Perfect Dancer

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To: My Dear Friend

Lastly, we have “To: My Dear Friend”. This is the other song that really holds a special place in my heart. I love that it’s a soft and simple song. Yet it brings this gentle warmth and feeling of comfort. Again, I feel like we’ve all been through negative thoughts and emotions. Sometimes we expect so much from ourselves. However, we forget that it’s alright to feel that way, and it’s alright to not get things “right” or “perfect”. So this song is a song of comfort to remind you that you’re not alone, and to remind you that it’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay if you feel like you’re struggling. It’s okay to make mistakes. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to do those things alone. Because we do have people who understand us, people who will always love and support us, and people who will always gladly walk with us through such times.

Oh my baby, you can cry tonight
Oh my baby, there’s always tomorrow
Life ain’t easy
Everyone in the world has cried at least once before

All the hatred and sadness,
Will one day melt away in the sun

I’m learning how to live with this dull heart
I’ve learned that this can be warm even on a cold night
Because that’s living on
Because that’s walking on
So walk with me, so cry with me

Oh my dear friend, you can laugh today
Oh my dear friend, don’t you forget this
Even if the night gets darker after your laughter
Tomorrow will come no matter what

Even in the darkest and loneliest of nights
The moon is always shining bright

I’m learning how to live with this dull heart
I’ve learned that this can be warm even on a cold night
Because that’s living on
Because that’s walking on
So walk with me, so cry with me

NIve | To: My Dear Friend

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Anyway, that’s it for this Music Monday friends~ I hope you all enjoyed this EP. Let me know what songs were your favorite or really stuck to you! Also, things may be hard, but remember you’re not alone. I hope your todays and tomorrows will be easier on you than your yesterdays.

Again, I’m so sorry my posting schedule has been super irregular. I promise I’m trying. But I’ll be honest, it’s gonna be a bit difficult for me. However, I think that rather than going into full hiatus, I’m going to be more in semi-hiatus for the time being. So I’ll just post when I can y’all. Sorry T~T If y’all need me for anything, you can just leave a comment, or hit me up on discord or any of my socials! Anyway, stay safe and please take care of yourselves! Remember to stay hydrated, eat proper meals when you can, and rest when you can!

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