MHAM Playlist|Music & Mental Health Vol. 6

Hey BAYOG Fam~ I’m continuing our MHAM Playlist posts~ We’re nearing the end of May, and will soon be reaching the last couple of posts for this series~ I realized I may have been a bit overambitious since I had planned so many volumes. Yet, I haven’t been able to post at the pace I wanted to. So I might actually be posting the rest of the volumes throughout the first week of June. Anyway, I hope these songs were able to bring you some comfort during your difficult times, and the times you feel like you can’t really open up about how you’re feeling. I’ll be doing a simple double post today. Originally, my plan for these posts were to share a song for your lows and a song to lift you up and/or bring you comfort. However, I decided the themes I wanted to go meant more than 2 songs. So we’ll be splitting our lows (Vol. 6) and highs (Vol. 7) into separate posts today~ The theme for Volume 6 is feeling alone… wanting to be alone, but also not wanting to be alone.

Again, all these songs are coming from the [Airbag Playlist]. Here’s what we have so far for the MHAM Playlist Posts:

• [Volume 1] BTS – Blue & Grey || BTS – 00:00 (Zero O’Clock)
• [Volume 2] NIve – Tired || DAY6 – 그렇더라고요 (When You Love Someone)
• [Volume 3] DAY6 – Zombie || Lee Hi – 한숨 (BREATHE)
• [Volume 4] B.I – 깊은 밤의 위로 (Midnight Blue) || YAYYOUNG – You’re A Mess I’m A Mess (And That’s Alright)
• [Volume 5] BIGBANG – Loser || Taeyeon – 내게 들려주고 싶은 말 (Dear Me)

You can find the Airbag Playlist on Spotify, here:

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MHAM PLAYLIST| VOLUME 6

Like I said, today’s songs focus on those moments when you feel alone. It’s an odd feeling of wanting to be alone, yet also feeling lonely and wishing you had someone with you. Sometimes you put up a front and want to show that you’re fine, but that’s not quite the case inside. It sounds a bit contradicting, but it’s just really hard to describe. There’s also when you’re seemingly okay, but there’s this vague sense of loneliness, helplessness, and sadness that kind of settles in the corner of your heart. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but at the same time… it’s a feeling that seems to grow bigger and bigger. It can also feel like you’re just drowning in that sense of loneliness.

“Feeling like an empty shell… I’d like to be alone… Oh be alone…”

Crush | Digital Lover | Translations by [Genius]

“I’m not lonely… I’m lonely, to be honest…”

DAY6 | All Alone(혼자야) | Translation by [Genius]

“I think my heart is bruised…”

Seung Yoon | 멍 (BRUISE) | Translation by [Genius]

“I can brush it off easily… But today, the tears are too heavy…”

LUNA | 운다고 (Even So) | Translation by [Genius]

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CRUSH | Digital Lover

Ah. I really felt this song and it’s lyrics. Both the vibes and lyrics hit hard for me. There are times I do feel so incredibly overwhelmed and stressed that I’d wish I could be alone. Especially since I’m an introvert. Sometimes I don’t want to be bothered by people. I just want to be in my safe and comfortable space. Still, at the same time… it feels lonely.

[Verse 1]
I want to be left alone
On a deserted island I’ve created
Even when I’m alone in a room
Feels like I’m not
My own reflection in the mirror staring back at me
What matters if I’m making money
My heart is still lonely
The world outside is dangerous
Full of people obsessed with faking happiness
On the corner of my bed, serene with my arm as a pillow
Paradise with no lies
I know you’re the same way controlling this square of a world with my thumb

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish you were more lonely
As you wander about this long long night
Feeling like an empty shell
I like to be alone
Oh be alone

[Chorus]
‘Cause I’m a digital lover (Ou, ou, ouu)
Digital lover
‘Cause I’m a digital lover (Ou, ou, ouu)
Digital lover

[Verse 2]
I want to live a normal life
In the space I’ve created
I yearn to be loved
Even if I’ll be alone in the end
This ethereal paradox
The beauty of living lonely
Without any promises
Let’s just meet at the edge of the universe
Shed all worn-out emotions
Forget how to listen to your heart
Believe in only what you can see
Listen to only what you can hear

[Pre-Chorus]
I wish you were more lonely
As you wander about this long long night
Feeling like an empty shell
I like to be alone
Oh be alone

[Chorus]
‘Cause I’m a digital lover (Ou, ou, ouu)
Digital lover
‘Cause I’m a digital lover (Ou, ou, ouu)
Digital lover

Crush | Digital Lover | Translations by [Genius]

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DAY6 | All Alone(혼자야)

I think there are times where we deny feeling all alone. For me I typically think I’m fine, but I’m just randomly hit with a sense of loneliness late at night. It’s such a hollow and vague helpless kind of feeling. I feel like that feeling also feels amplified during a quiet night when you’re by yourself. But it’s alright, and perfectly normal to want to have someone with you when you suddenly feel vulnerable. Still, I totally get every lyric of this song… Because some nights, it just be like that.

I’m not lonely
Is what I say to the night sky?
How was today?
Feels like it’s asking me back

I wish there was someone
Who’d hug me saying that I worked hard
When I get back home
That’s what i’m thinking
Right now and I am

All alone
Under the moonlight, and so I am
All alone
Only the cold night air is with me

I’m lonely to be honest
I hate that night sky is replying

I wish there was someone
Who’d tell me you can do it
When i’m leaving for work in the morning
That’s what i’m thinking
Right now and I am

All alone
Under the moonlight, and so I am
All alone
Only the cold night air is with me
The one I am looking for
Would be looking at thе same night sky?

All alone
Under thе moonlight, and so I am
All alone
Only the cold night air is with me

DAY6 | All Alone(혼자야) | Translation by [Genius]

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Seung Yoon | 멍 (BRUISE)

I don’t really follow WINNER, but I randomly stumbled on this song. To be honest, I don’t care in particular for the song itself. But the lyrics hit me pretty hard. I could really relate to it. Sometimes, we feel like everything is fine. We’re perfectly healthy. I’ve a roof over my head, and food to eat. I have friends. I have hobbies. It’s not like I’m lacking anything. I should be happy. Still, there are times I just feel really anxious and lonely. I wouldn’t say such feelings are pain per se…but this song perfectly describes it. It’s like a bruise. It may not seem dire and people may overlook it, but there is a sense of weakness and hurt. Sometimes you want to be hopeful and positive, but sometimes you just can’t help it and want to cry.

[Verse 1]
I don’t get sick and eat well
I have friends to open up my heart to
All night yesterday, following my heart
I grabbed the guitar and wrote a song
Thankfully, I’m always busy
I don’t know how happy I am

[Pre-Chorus]
But why, why, why am I anxious?
Why, why, why the hell am I lonely?

[Chorus]
I sit absent-mindedly again and look out the window
I don’t know what I’m looking at
There’s this flow coming from my vacant eyes
Am I in tears?
I think my heart is bruised

[Verse 2]
It’s not a big deal
Sometimes this happens
Tomorrow, after work is over
I will drink and play with my old friends

[Pre-Chorus]
But why, why, why am I anxious?
Why, why, why the hell am I lonely?

[Chorus]
I sit absent-mindedly again and look out the window
I don’t know what I’m looking at
There’s this flow coming from my vacant eyes
Am I in tears?

[Bridge]
Before I know it, I am bruised
It has smudged, like this
I’m sorry for pretending I didn’t notice
But due to the illusion that things would get better soon
I’m still here today, like a fool

[Chorus]
I sit absent-mindedly again and look out the window
I don’t know what I’m looking at
There’s this flow coming from my vacant eyes
Am I in tears?

[Chorus]
I sit absent-mindedly again and look out the window
I don’t know what I’m looking at
There’s this flow coming from my vacant eyes
Am I in tears?
I think my heart is bruised

Seung Yoon | 멍 (BRUISE) | Translation by [Genius]

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LUNA | 운다고 (Even So)

This is another song that really hit me pretty hard. The track sounds so sweet and upbeat, but there’s a sense of helplessness and sadness. Again, there are times you want to be alone, but also not really. You wish you had some support. Yet, we try our best to seem like we’re fine and can handle everything. But sometimes you just have those moments where you want to break down. It’s frustrating because crying doesn’t solve anything, but sometimes you just need to go through with your emotions and let it out. Because we can try our best to carry everything, but sometimes things just seem a bit heavier than usual.

I’m sure crying won’t make a difference
But I just want to cry
There’s no reason to hold it in
Things might get better

Na na na na
I can brush it off easily
But today, the tears are too heavy

The things you all whisper about
Those things torture me
Have I gotten weak?
This isn’t want I wanted

Just leave me alone
I’ll be alright
Just want for me
I just want to be alone right now

I’m sure crying won’t make a difference
But I just want to cry
There’s no reason to hold it in
Things might get better

Fine, say it’s all my fault
I can’t blame anyone else
Though I don’t want to be left alone in the darkness
Just leave me alone
I’ll be alright
Just want for me
I just want to be alone right now

I’m sure crying won’t make a difference
But I just want to cry
There’s no reason to hold it in
Things might get better

I hope that broken clock won’t stop
It’s trying to get better
Just like me

I’m sure crying won’t make a difference
But I just want to cry
There’s no reason to hold it in
Things might get better

Na na na na
I can brush it off easily
But today, the tears are too heavy

LUNA | 운다고 (Even So) | Translation by [Genius]

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Anyway, that’s it for our Volume 6 post~ I personally have these really random bouts of loneliness and anxiety late at night. It’s weird cuz you want to reach out and have someone there for you. Yet, at the same time you want to be be alone. You value your alone time to do and be whatever you want. As an introvert, I do like my alone time. I like not having to feel overwhelmed by everyone. Yet at the same time, that anxiety, loneliness, helplessness, and other little feelings kind of tug at the corner of your heart. It’s such a weird and conflicting feeling that makes you wonder if something is wrong with you. At times I wonder if I’m unnecessarily making a big deal over something that may seem so trivial… But, they are genuine and valid feelings. So in those times you’re afraid or feel unable to reach out, I hope these songs give you a sense of comfort in not being alone. Anyway, I’ll try to have Volume 7 up within a day or 2. I thank you kindly for your understanding as I try to do all this stuff in my sleep deprived state. Y’all take care and stay safe! Don’t forget to drink water and don’t forget to eat! Also, I love y’all~

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Stay safe and healthy out there, y’all.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

AS A GROUP OF BIPOC, BAYOG strongly stands with Black Lives Matter. We are all too familiar with the racism that we, our friends, and family have faced on a daily basis. Every life is precious. However, as BIPOC, we also recognize that black people are a group of people that face extreme racism and at a higher risk for their safety. We’ve individually done several donations. Of course, donations to support the cause and support change isn’t the only thing needed. Support for the cause and change also requires conversation and understanding. Make sure to have those conversations. Please remember to be an active supporter, be it through donations, sharing information, and/or conversations and speaking up.

If you can, please consider donating. I’ve donated more than once as well. For one of my donations, I donated through the BTS ARMY x BLM project. I recommend that if you’re unsure of where to donate. This is because the donation will be split amongst several different non-profit organizations. Of course, you can also choose a specific organization(s) if you wish as well. You can find that [HERE].

You can also check out the following:

• http://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co
• http://blackliveswillalwaysmatter.carrd.co
• http://saytheirnames.carrd.co

STOP ASIAN HATE

As an Asian-American, racism, xenophobia, and hate crimes against AAPI isn’t new. It’s always been around. Unfortunately, misinformation and the pandemic has caused an insane surge in racism and xenophobia. There has also been an insane rise in hate crimes. More recently, we’re seeing a surge of hate crimes against the Asian elderly. Particularly in the California and New York areas. Some cases even leading to injuries and even death. The sad thing is that many cases do not get alot of attention, or are just looked passed. It breaks my heart and is cause for concern since it affects our community. Since some of the BAYOG Crew (including myself) are Asian-Americans ourselves, I wanted to use our small platform to help in anyway. Hate, racism, and xenophobia is an ugly thing. We’re friends, in the same community, and against the same social injustices. So be kind and let’s fight these things together.

You can also check the following for more information, ways to help, & to donate:

• http://hateisavirus.org
• https://gofundme.com/AAPI
• http://advancingjustice-aajc.org
• [Donate to Different Organizations to Support AAPI Communities]
• https://anti-asianviolenceresources.carrd.co
• https://stopasianhate.carrd.co/

Please report hate crimes at Stop AAPI Hate:

• http://stopaapihate.org

Volunteer
You can see if your community has a volunteer chaperone or neighborhood watch/patrol program.
Some examples:

• Compassion in Oakland @ Oakland, California| http://compassioninoakland.org
• Safe Walks @ NYC, New York| https://safewalx.com/en/welcome
• Guardian Angels| http://guardianangels.org/volunteer
  They’re well known patrol volunteers in NYC, but they do have other branches too.

Volunteer at any other organizations that provide assistance to Asian-Americans; Particularly the elderly.
Some examples:

• Heart of Dinner @ NYC, New York| https://www.heartofdinner.org/
  An organization that supports local businesses and provides meals and care packages to the Asian elderly in NYC.