Hello BAYOG Fam~ I bring you another volume to our Mental Health Awareness Month Playlist~ I hope you’ve been enjoying the songs so far. Most importantly, I hope that these songs help you express yourself, feel less alone, and feel some comfort. I know alot of the songs have similar messages and things. So I know my little blurbs might sound really repetitive. I might cut them out or at least cut them short. I kinda want to leave them though because I feel like it makes it more personal. Most of all, I like having discussions with my friends. I want to share my thoughts and feelings, because I know some of you feel it too. I just want to be a reminder that you’re not alone. It’s tough, but let’s get through these tough times, thoughts, and feelings together~

Again, all these songs are coming from the [Airbag Playlist]. Here’s what we have so far for the MHAM Playlist Posts:

• [Volume 1] BTS – Blue & Grey || BTS – 00:00 (Zero O’Clock)
• [Volume 2] NIve – Tired || DAY6 – 그렇더라고요 (When You Love Someone)

You can find the Airbag Playlist on Spotify, here:

P.S. I’m sorry if this post is messy, and if I wasn’t able to convey my thoughts coherently… I’m so incredibly sleep deprived (more so than usual)… Please forgive me~ ^^” I also do plan to have more music, drama, and webtoon posts for this month too… But we’ll…uhh… see… My posting schedule for this month is probably going to be a bit sporadic too… Cuz work and need to recharge self (sleep) Q~Q

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MHAM PLAYLIST| VOLUME 3

!!!TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING!!!

As we are discussing mental health, we may be discussing certain sensitive and triggering topics. Today’s songs and discussion includes brief mentions of suicide. I promise it’s nothing specific or graphic, but just a brief mention of the topic in regards to a person’s state of mind. Still, I thought I’d give you a heads up.

For our third MHAM Playlist post, I’ve chosen DAY6’s “Zombie” and Lee Hi’s “한숨 (Breathe)”. In the previous post, I talked about how sometimes we can just feel exhausted. We’re human, so it’s normal to feel worn out when we’re struggling. However, it can get to a point where we feel tired of everything and everyone, including ourselves. There can be times where you can just feel so incredibly tired, numb, and completely hollow. It’s to a point where everything feels meaningless, including living. You can feel like you don’t do anything, you can’t do anything right, and you can feel like you’re worthless. There are times you wonder if it’s worth it, if there’s a point to even continue. It can be a point you’re numb, but also in so much pain that you just wish everything would end. However, we forget that fact that it is difficult to continue and to live. We overlook simple, but amazing things. Including our own efforts to live. Our body works hard to live. The fact that you’re breathing, got up out of bed, and made it through another day is honestly an amazing thing. Living can be overwhelming, but take small steps by continuing to breathe and make it through another day. You worked hard, and I recognize your effort. Be proud of yourself for fighting against your struggles.

“I feel like I became a zombie… Not alive, but I’m still walkin’…”

DAY6 | Zombie (English Version)

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DAY6 | Zombie

This song is one that really hits hard for me. I honestly cried when I first heard it, and I still do. This song reminds me of the times when things felt so difficult for me. At the time I was in a constant struggle and kept wondering why I was enduring it all. I felt so empty and numb. I was breathing, but I didn’t feel like I was actually alive. I just went in auto-pilot and didn’t really remember much of what I did. It was just a repeating cycle. Just like a zombie, I kept repeating the cycle without any thought or heart. Every day felt the same, and it felt like it would never change. Everything felt so meaningless. So I’d live my days to wait for myself to just fall asleep and forget everything. I just felt so dead inside. There was a time where my will was just so broken that even sleep couldn’t help or bring comfort. I’ve talked about it before, but it was a dark time for me and I honestly just wanted to end everything. I was just so stuck in my thoughts and feelings that I couldn’t even see the things and people around me. Sometimes people made me feel like I was sinking even deeper. “So and so did this/that. Why can’t you be like so and so”, “Youre not trying. You need to try harder”, “Just get over it”, “It’ll pass”, “You need to just stop thinking unhappy things to make yourself happy”, and “You’re just acting like a drama queen for attention”. They’re things that felt like added weight that was crushing my heart. It just got to a point that I honestly just wished I’d never have to open my eyes again. I’m not proud of it, but it was a really dark time and I truly wanted to die then. Fortunately, I had changed my mind and here I am. It’s been a long and tough journey with my own mental health over the past couple of years. I still have days where I feel really low, but it’s fortunate that I never got back to that all time low. Still, this song has helped me when I do hit my lows. I feel like every word of the lyrics in both the Korean and English versions really hit close to home. It’s not a happy song. However, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone, and that someone understands and was able to put my feelings into words.

How was my day yesterday?
Did anything special happen?
I try to remember
But I don’t think anything really happened

Will today be the same too?
Am I the only one struggling?
How can I endure this?
Will things get better if I scream?

Yeah we live a life
Repeating the cycle of day and night
Yeah we live a life
I try to change things
But there’s nothing I can do
There’s nothing I have

I feel like I became a zombie
My head and heart are empty
Like a scarecrow with no thoughts
When did I get like this? oh why

I became a zombie
I’m just walking without a plan
Tomorrow will be no different
I’m just waiting to fall asleep each day

Yeah we live a life
With eyes open in darkness
This meaningless life
I want to rest
I want to dream
But I can’t do anything

I feel like I became a zombie
My head and heart are empty
Like a scarecrow with no thoughts
When did I get like this? oh why

I became a zombie
I’m just walking without a plan
Tomorrow will be no different
I’m just waiting to fall asleep each day

I wanna let it all out, wanna cry
I wanna lay it all down, can I cry
Please give me back my dried up tears
Oh oh

I feel like I became a zombie
My head and heart are empty
Like a scarecrow with no thoughts
When did I get like this? oh why

I became a zombie
I’m just walking without a plan
Tomorrow will be no different
I’m just waiting to fall asleep each day

DAY6 | Zombie | Translation by [Popgasa]

[Verse: Young K, Jae]
Breathin’, but I’ve been dyin’ inside
Nothin’ new and nothin’ feels right
Déjà-vu, so I close my eyes
Let the demon sing me a lullaby
Today’s a present that I don’t want
So I’m wonderin’ in this world
Am I really the only one
Who’s been wantin’ to hide out
From the sun and run?

[Pre-Chorus: Sungjin, Wonpil]
When we live a life
Always dreamin’ for a dream to come true
So I live this life
Wanting something I can’t see
And something I can’t reach
Or something that could not exist

[Chorus: Young K, Jae]
I feel like I became a zombie
Not alive, but I’m still walkin’
When the sunrise is upon me
I’ll be waiting for the day to pass by, oh why?
I became a zombie
And there’s nothing that can cure me
So tomorrow I know I’ll be just the same
You’ll see me wishin’ to stop and close my eyes (My eyes, my eyes)

[Pre-Chorus: Young K, Jae]
Yeah, this is my life
Always dreamin’ for a dream to come true
This meaningless life
Wanting something I can’t see
And something I can’t reach
Or something that could not exist

[Chorus: Sungjin, Wonpil]
I feel like I became a zombie
Not alive, but I’m still walkin’
When the sunrise is upon me
I’ll be waiting for the day to pass by, oh why?
I became a zombie
And there’s nothing that can cure me
So tomorrow I know I’ll be just the same
You’ll see me wishin’ to stop and close my eyes

[Bridge: Sungjin, Wonpil]
No more of this, I wanna cry
Dried out, but feel like I should cry
Tell the world that I’m still here tonight, oh, oh

[Chorus: Young K, Jae]
I feel like I became a zombie
Not alive, but I’m still walkin’
When the sunrise is upon me
I’ll be waiting for the day to pass by, oh why?
I became a zombie
And there’s nothing that can cure me
So tomorrow I know I’ll be just the same
You’ll see me wishin’ to stop and close my eyes

DAY6 | Zombie (English Version)

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LEE HI | 한숨 (BREATHE)

I know that I may sound like a broken record, but sometimes we just feel really overwhelmed. Things can just feel so difficult and frustrating. Sometimes we’re also stuck on our “mistakes”. I also said it in our Volume 2 post, but we’re our harshest critics. It’s already disheartening when we hear others point out our mistakes or flaws. Words and things, whether small or said with/without malice can constantly weigh on our minds. I think one of the most painful things is when people disregard your effort. We all try our best. Sometimes people don’t realize how much work and effort you put into something. That you really are trying your best. Unfortunately, if you hear negative things enough times, you start to believe it. We’re hardest on ourselves. You can’t always exactly distance yourself from your thoughts and feelings either. There are times I like I’m carrying so much of this negative weight in my chest that it can be hard to breathe. Sometimes, you also just want to be comforted and have your efforts acknowledged. This track reminds me that despite all of those things, I need to remember to breathe. Breathe and let go of all those painful things you’ve carried inside. Remember that you’re human. It’s alright to make mistakes sometimes, because all humans make mistakes at times. It’s okay to take a deep breath and let it all out when you’ve had a hard day. If you’re in need of comfort let me say it for you: You worked hard. The fact that you made it through the day, and the fact that you’re alive and breathing… that’s honestly a worthy accomplishment. I know that we all have our own circumstances, but I know you did your best. This is another song that hits me really hard. It’s a song where the lyrics and the comfort that it gives seems so incredibly genuine and personal. As if it truly understands. And that’s because it is so incredibly genuine, personal, and comes from a place of understanding. Although it’s sung by Lee Hi, this song was originally written by the late [Jonghyun] of SHINee. He was known to struggle with depression and wrote alot of songs that reflected the feelings associated with those struggles. As a fan of SHINee and Jonghyun, the news of his heartbreaking was saddening. I always keep this song in my heart and the back of my mind to remind myself that although I can feel like I’m struggling alone at times, there is someone out there who understands. It’s just a big comfort to me.

[Verse 1]
Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart get numb
Until it hurts a little
Let out your breath even more
Until you feel
Like there’s nothing left inside

[Refrain]
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although saying “It’s alright” is comforting
They’re just words

[Chorus]
Someone’s breath, that heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright, I’ll hold you

[Refrain]
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although saying “It’s alright” is comforting
They’re just words

[Chorus]
Someone’s breath, that heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright, I’ll hold you

[Bridge]
Even if others think your sigh
Takes out energy and strength
I already know
That you had a day that’s hard enough
To let out even a small sigh
Now don’t think of anything else
Let out a deep sigh
Just let it out like that

[Chorus]
Someone’s breath, that heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright, I’ll hold you

[Outro]
You really did a good job

LEE HI | 한숨 (BREATHE) | Translation by [Genius]

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Sometimes we just have really hard days. At times we can be incredibly hard on ourselves, and even blame ourselves that aren’t within our control. There are times things get bad and it just feels like life is just meaningless. It can be to a point where we’re just so worn down. We sometimes get to a point where we just wish we didn’t have to open our eyes and face the day. Sometimes we’re just stuck in our negative thoughts and feels. From my experience, people may say things with or without malice that just makes you feel like you’re sinking even deeper in those thoughts and feelings. It can be to a point you just have tunnel vision and can only see your pain. However, I want to gently remind you to take a deep breathe. Exhale and let that weight go out bit by bit. We have tough days. What you’re feeling is valid. It’s okay to feel sad and frustrated. Also, know that no matter what anyone says, your efforts were valid too. You’ve worked hard. You worked hard to make it through the day, and you worked hard to continue breathing and greeting a new day.

I know it’s tough, and it can take an incredible amount of mental energy and effort. Take the time and space you need. Take a deep breath and exhale. Sometimes you also need a good cry. So just cry if you need to. Honestly, that’s what I do when I listen to these tracks. Everyone has different circumstances and struggles. I may not know exactly what yours are, but I understand. I understand and I know that you’re trying. I see you. You worked hard. That’s all for today friends. Please don’t be too hard on your selves. Take a nice rest. You deserve it. Don’t forget to drink water and eat something! Please don’t carry too much on yourself to the point that it crushes you. Cry it out if you need to. And please remember that you’re loved, and there are people who recognize your efforts and accomplishments. Be proud and love yourself. Take care, stay safe, and have a wonderful start to your weekend~

You did a really good job. Thank you for breathing.

Thank you for being alive, and for existing.

I hope your today is easier than your yesterdays.

With love,
Minty

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Stay safe and healthy out there, y’all.

BLACK LIVES MATTER

AS A GROUP OF BIPOC, BAYOG strongly stands with Black Lives Matter. We are all too familiar with the racism that we, our friends, and family have faced on a daily basis. Every life is precious. However, as BIPOC, we also recognize that black people are a group of people that face extreme racism and at a higher risk for their safety. We’ve individually done several donations. Of course, donations to support the cause and support change isn’t the only thing needed. Support for the cause and change also requires conversation and understanding. Make sure to have those conversations. Please remember to be an active supporter, be it through donations, sharing information, and/or conversations and speaking up.

If you can, please consider donating. I’ve donated more than once as well. For one of my donations, I donated through the BTS ARMY x BLM project. I recommend that if you’re unsure of where to donate. This is because the donation will be split amongst several different non-profit organizations. Of course, you can also choose a specific organization(s) if you wish as well. You can find that [HERE].

You can also check out the following:

• http://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co
• http://blackliveswillalwaysmatter.carrd.co
• http://saytheirnames.carrd.co

STOP ASIAN HATE

As an Asian-American, racism, xenophobia, and hate crimes against AAPI isn’t new. It’s always been around. Unfortunately, misinformation and the pandemic has caused an insane surge in racism and xenophobia. There has also been an insane rise in hate crimes. More recently, we’re seeing a surge of hate crimes against the Asian elderly. Particularly in the California and New York areas. Some cases even leading to injuries and even death. The sad thing is that many cases do not get alot of attention, or are just looked passed. It breaks my heart and is cause for concern since it affects our community. Since some of the BAYOG Crew (including myself) are Asian-Americans ourselves, I wanted to use our small platform to help in anyway. Hate, racism, and xenophobia is an ugly thing. We’re friends, in the same community, and against the same social injustices. So be kind and let’s fight these things together.

You can also check the following for more information, ways to help, & to donate:

• http://hateisavirus.org
• https://gofundme.com/AAPI
• http://advancingjustice-aajc.org
• [Donate to Different Organizations to Support AAPI Communities]
• https://anti-asianviolenceresources.carrd.co
• https://stopasianhate.carrd.co/

Please report hate crimes at Stop AAPI Hate:

• http://stopaapihate.org

Volunteer
You can see if your community has a volunteer chaperone or neighborhood watch/patrol program.
Some examples:

• Compassion in Oakland @ Oakland, California| http://compassioninoakland.org
• Safe Walks @ NYC, New York| https://safewalx.com/en/welcome
• Guardian Angels| http://guardianangels.org/volunteer
  They’re well known patrol volunteers in NYC, but they do have other branches too.

Volunteer at any other organizations that provide assistance to Asian-Americans; Particularly the elderly.
Some examples:

• Heart of Dinner @ NYC, New York| https://www.heartofdinner.org/
  An organization that supports local businesses and provides meals and care packages to the Asian elderly in NYC.