Hello my BAYOG Lovelies~ As I said in my recent [update] post, I’ll be doing a special series of music posts for Mental Health Awareness Month. If you’ve been following the blog and my posts for a while, you probably know that mental health is a really important and personal topic for me. I’ve had my fair share of struggles and have [opened up] about it on the blog. It’s incredibly personal to me with my personal struggles, but also because I’ve seen my friends and family affected by mental health struggles too. I’ve also lost people I’ve cared for. So that’s one reason why I want to do these posts.

“When I’m all cried out, thank God that there are books, films, and songs to do the job for me.“

Tablo (Daniel Armand Lee/Lee Seon Woong) of Epik High | Blonote: pg 134

We all have experience with mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and so on. While we can all relate due to similar experiences, mental health issues and struggles varies from person to person. People are affected differently. For some, the weight of what they’re dealing with may feel heavier than what other people perceive. There are times where you can’t really express how you feel. There are also times where it feels like you can’t express yourself or you feel invalidated by those around you. Because unfortunately, not everyone is understanding and respectful when it comes to these issues. Of course there are people who care about us who are supportive and want to help alleviate what’s weighing us down. However, it can still be difficult to open up. Again, it can be difficult to express yourself, and it can basically be like, “Where do I even start?” Sometimes, we also still fear judgement or fear weighing people down with our issues. These things can fill us with fear and makes us feel uncomfortable. Adding to another reason why it can be hard to get things off your chest. For me, I like to lose myself in music, films, and things to read. I feel like it’s a nice way to feel like there’s someone or something that you can relate to, and that can express those worries and feelings for you. Music is my usual go to form of expression. Because it gives form to these abstract and difficult to express thoughts and emotions. There is also no judgement. Certain sounds, vibes, and lyrics just really resonate with me. It can seem trivial to others, but be something deep and meaningful to me. That’s the beauty of music though. It’s meaning if up to your interpretation. It’s something that’s really helped me through my depression and anxiety.

So through these posts, I’d like to share and highlight some songs. They are from my [Airbag Playlist]. If y’all didn’t know, I have a playlist of songs that I can relate to and helps express my emotions during my highs and lows. Sometimes life is shit, and sadness, depression, or whatever is unavoidable. These songs were meant to help cushion that impact of impending sadness. With these posts, I intend to share specific songs; A high and low. I’ll be sharing songs that you might relate to during your lows. Sometimes, we’re just down and stuck in negative feelings. For me listening to such songs helps me feel like I’m pouring out the things I’m bottling up. Of course I don’t want to leave you in just lows. So each post will also have a highs kind of track. It’ll be a track that is meant to be more positive. It’s to comfort you, make you feel less alone, and lift you up. I hope that they take off some of that weight for you, and I hope that it brings you comfort. With each track, I’ll probably talk a bit about what I feel about it, and just bold the parts of the lyrics that really resonated with me. Of course, I also recommend checking out the track and complete lyrics to see what resonates with you.

You can find the Airbag playlist on Spotify, here:

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MHAM PLAYLIST| VOLUME 1

For our first MHAM Playlist post, I’ve chosen “Blue & Grey” and “00:00 (Zero O’Clock)”. Yes, both are by BTS. However, I just want to say I didn’t choose these songs because of my usual BTS and K-Pop fan trash antics. I chose them because I genuinely like the songs and the lyrics and meanings. I feel like they’re incredibly relatable and comforting. So I just want to share these feelings and lyrics with you. I also purposely chose these two songs for the same post because they kind of go together. Our lows song, “Blue & Grey”, has the lyrics “I just wanna be happier”. While “00:00 (Zero O’Clock)” has the lyrics, “And you’re gonna be happy”. Although “00:00 (Zero O’Clock)” actually came out before “Blue & Grey”, I honestly feel like it goes off of the same kind of feelings as “Blue & Grey” and has a good response to it. So that’s why I chose it as our more positive and comforting track.

“I just wanna be happier…”

BTS | Blue & Grey

“And you’re gonna be happy…”

BTS | 00:00 (Zero O’Clock)

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BTS| Blue & Grey

I think “Blue & Grey” is a perfect description of my feelings when I’m in my lows. There are times I can’t quite put how I feel during my lows, but the colors and feelings of “Blue & Grey” seems really befitting. The lyrics really fit it too. So I think about this track alot. It’s probably one of my most played tracks over the past year. There are times where I’m just stuck in my thoughts and feelings. Especially late at night when I can’t sleep. At times, I feel lonely, tired, overwhelmed, hopeless, and helpless. There are times it feels like everyone is happy except for me. There had been times in my life where I felt like the weight of the world was crushing me. Yet at the same time, I felt so empty, hollow, and my life felt void of color. There are times were I wish I could be saved from such thoughts and feelings. Because ultimately, I just want to be happier. Yet, I sometimes wonder and feel like wanting to be happy is a greedy wish. I also have a tendency to push myself and say that I’m fine, but the truth is I’m not. So yeah, I instantly felt a connection with this track. It’s a track that reminds me of my lows and my inner struggles. It’s alright to feel feel that way. It happens. The heartbeat that is heard on this track does two things for me. The first is that it reminds me that we’re human. It’s valid to feel that way at times. We’re not perfect, and we’re not always happy. We’re human and we have struggles. The second thing about this heartbeat, is that it gives a comforting touch. Again, we’re human. A heartbeat is familiar, and something we can all relate to, and we all have and feel. It reminds me that I’m not alone. It also reminds me of another important thing: My heart is still beating and I am still alive.

[Intro: V, Jung Kook]
Where is my angel?
The end of a tiring day
Someone come and save me, please
Is overshadowed by a sigh
I guess everyone’s happy
Can you look at me? ‘Cause I am blue and grey
The tears reflected in the mirror mean
My colors hid in the smile, blue and grey

[Verse 1: SUGA]
I really don’t know what went wrong
I grew up with a blue question mark in my mind
Maybe that’s why I’ve been fighting for my life
But looking behind, I’m standing hеre dazed
The powеrful shadow swallows me
The question mark is still blue
Is it anxiety or depression?
Am I just an animal that regrets
Or is it me born out of loneliness?
I still don’t know, the ferocious blue
I hope I don’t get eaten away, I’ll find the exit

[Chorus: Jin, Jung Kook, Jimin, V]
I just wanna be happier
Melt me, I’m cold
I’ve reached out my hand countless times
The echo is colorless
Oh, this ground feels so heavier
I am singing by myself
I just wanna be happier
Am I being too greedy?

[Post-Chorus: Jungkook & Jin, Jimin & V]
I still feel my heart
Breathe faster like when
I walked on the cold winter streets
Don’t say you’re fine
‘Cause you’re not
Please don’t leave me alone, it hurts too much

[Verse 2: J-hope, RM]
The road I always walk and the light I always receive
But today seems like an unfamiliar scene
Have I become used to it or have I collapsed?
This piece of metal does feel heavy
A grey rhino approaches
I just stand there without focus
I don’t feel like myself at this moment
I’m just not scared
I don’t believe in a God called conviction
Words like ‘color’ embarrass me
The wide grey zone is comfortable
With hundreds of millions of grey faces
When it rains, I dance
Over this city, my world
Raise a toast to
The fog on clear days
And all the dust always
Here with me on rainy days

[Chorus: Jung Kook, Jimin, V, Jin]
I just wanna be happier
Please feel the warmth in my hands
They’re cold, that’s why I need more of you
Oh, this ground feels so heavier
I am singing by myself
If I laugh in the future far away
I’ll tell you that I did

[Outro: V]
After secretly taking back words floating in the air
I now fall asleep at dawn, good night

BTS | Blue & Grey | Lyric Translation: [Genius]

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BTS| 00:00 (Zero O’Clock)

Again, I think we’ve all had those days where we’re overcome with sadness and negative kind of emotions for no reason. Sometimes we just had a really tough, and utterly exhausting day. Things just don’t seem to go our way, and sometimes you negatively compare yourself to others. It can feel like you’re worthless, and all of your hard effort was for nothing. So you feel spiteful of the world. Honestly, the lyrics literally describe everything I think and feel to a T. I’m often sleepless because I overthink and blame myself for alot of things. But this song reminds me of something. Our day resets once that clock hits zero o’clock. Things may seem bad today, but we have a new day and chance ahead of us. We may not be happy today, but we can try our best to be happy on this new day. I may not be happy today, but I can be happy in the future. For me, this song is gentle and comforting reminder that also recognizes what I feel. It also reminds me to leave behind this difficult day once the clock strikes 00:00, and to look forward to the possibilities and happiness of tomorrow.

[Verse 1: Jungkook]
You know those days
Those days where you’re sad for no reason
Those days where your body is heavy
And it looks like everyone else except you is busy and fierce
My feet won’t set off, though it seems like I’m already too late
I’m hateful of the whole world

[Verse 2: Jimin]
Yeah, here and there are click-clacking speed bumps
My heart grows crumpled and my words lessen
Why the hell? I ran so hard
Oh why to me

[Pre-Chorus: V, Jin]
Come home and lie in bed
Thinking if it was my fault?
Dizzy night, looking at the clock
Soon it will be midnight
Will something be different?
It won’t be something like that
But this day will be over
When the minute and second hands overlap
The world holds its breath for a little while
Zero o’clock

[Chorus: Jimin, Jin, V, Jungkook]
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
Like that snow that just settled down
Let’s breathe, like the first time
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
Turn this all around
When everything is new, zero o’ clock

[Verse 3: Jimin, V]
The beat slips away little by little
I can’t put on an easy face
I keep forgetting familiar lyrics
There’s nothing going my way
Yes, it’s all in the past
Even talking to myself, it’s not easy
Is it my fault? Is it my wrong?
Only my echo comes back with no answer

[Pre-Chorus: Jin, Jimin]
Come home and lie in bed
Thinking if it was my fault?
Dizzy night, looking at the clock
Soon it will be midnight
Will something be different?
It won’t be something like that
But this day will be over
When the minute and second hands overlap
The world holds its breath for a little while
Zero o’clock

[Chorus: All]
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
Like that snow that just settled down
Let’s breathe, like the first time
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
Turn this all around
When everything is new, zero o’clock

[Bridge: Jimin, V, Jungkook, Jin]
Put my hands together to pray
Hoping that tomorrow I’ll laugh more, for me
It’ll be better, for me
When this song ends
May a new song begin
Hoping that I’ll be a little happier, yeah

[Chorus: All]
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
I hold my breath for a very brief moment
And give myself a pat today, as well
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
(Ooh-ooh) And you’re gonna be happy
Turn this all around
When everything is new, zero o’clock

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Life… Living… can be difficult and exhausting. It can also feel even more difficult when you’re surrounded by people who make it difficult for you to express yourself, or who invalidate your struggles and your efforts. I just want to say that I see you, and I’m proud of you. Even if it’s something as simple as breathing another day. I know what a struggle it can be. Know that your struggles and feelings are valid. Also, know that your efforts, no matter how small or simple, are valid as well. It may not seem like it, or it may be difficult to see when you’re really weighed down by everything… but please know that you are loved, and that there are people who appreciate your efforts and existence. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true. But when you feel like you can’t express yourself, your open up to someone… I hope that these songs can bring you some comfort and make you feel less alone. Things may seem difficult today, but hopefully your tomorrows will be full of happier times. Also please know that DMs are always open if you just want to vent. I know sometimes it is a bit easier to open up to a stranger. I promise a completely safe space with no judgement. Anyway, please take care and stay safe friends. Please remember to drink water, get some fresh air, eat, and relax. Remember to take care of your mental health. I’ll just end the post with something I would always tell my best friend when we were flat mates in college:

I hope your today is easier than your yesterdays.

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