Just A Check Up|Airbag Part II
Hello fam. Minty here. I am still working on the 2010’s Rewind posts. However, it’s just taking me a bit longer than expected. I also just wanted to take a moment to be a bit more serious. It’s been 2 years since I joined BAYOG. So I genuinely mean it when I say that you guys are a precious to me. It’s been a crazy journey. I’ve had fun sharing and discussing the fun things I love. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you all. It’s also through BAYOG and with you guys that I’ve been able to be on a self-reflective journey.
I was able to really open up and admit that I wasn’t doing well. With you guys, I’ve been able to take small steps. Through my posts, I’ve been able to practice not to bottle everything up. Yeah, I feel really vulnerable…at times I’m afraid you all may get tired of me. I do spend alot of time on my posts. I know I write alot. I carefully think things out though. I put in alot of work even if I know not that many people will read it. Still, it’s been important to me. Not just for myself, but because I know that struggle…and I know so many people go through it too. Through my posts, I wanted to let people know that they weren’t alone. I may not be able to do much, but I wanted to try to bring some comfort and solidarity. Even if it reaches and comforts 1 or 2 people, that alone is enough for me.
With that being said…I wanted to check up on you all. How have you been doing? I know it’s the holiday season. I know it’s a happy time for many people. However, that’s not always the case for many others. I’ve mentioned this before in my [Winter Playlist] from last year. With the holiday season and the end of the year, I just wanted to ask how you’ve been doing. I know alot of people have been struggling. So many people have had to deal with alot of things the past year. Be it mental struggles, financial struggles, personal struggles, losses, and so on.
Sometimes this holiday season makes things feel lonelier and colder. At times, it feels difficult to lean on people… Especially when everyone seems to be so happy. It’s easy to feel out of place. With the end of the year, some of us think that we’ve accomplished nothing. We may wonder, “Was there really a point? Did I really do anything at all?” There’s something I want to say to you, and as a reminder to myself. You’ve done an amazing job. You carried so much weight on your shoulders. You fought through everything that came your way. Whether it be small steps, or big steps…I’m proud of you. You may think it was a small and worthless effort, but it’s not. Small or not, it’s amazing. You literally fought a battle and made it here. The fact that you’re here, still breathing…that’s such a wonderful feat. It’s not easy, and I want you to know that I’m truly am proud of you.
I do know that we still can’t help how we feel at times. I also know it’s so hard to open up to people. I know how it is to bottle things up. I’m here for you if you do wish you talk. Again, I promise no judgement. I’m just here to listen. Anytime and anywhere. I understand if you’re still afraid to lean on someone. In that case, I hope I can alleviate the weight that you carry. For me, music has always been a way to heal my heart and give me strength. It’s always given me comfort to hear songs that understand the sad, frustrating, and empty emotions I sometimes feel. It’s also comforting to hear and feel the warm comfort from the songs that want to give me support. In the times that I feel down, I like to listen to my [Airbag Playlist].
There are times I feel so overcome with frustration, self-loathing, and sadness. It’s like I’m about to crash into something. It’s inevitable. However, this playlist acts as my airbag. The sad and negative emotions may be inevitable, but this helps cushion me from the pain a bit. It’s the songs that say the things I wish I could say. The songs that relay the negative things and self-loathing I feel. The songs that cry with me. The songs that understand me. The songs that comfort me. They’re also the songs that give me strength. I’ve added some songs to the playlist for you. I hope that these can help bring you comfort when you feel like you have no one to turn to or rely on. I hope that these songs can relay the thoughts and emotions that you bottled inside. I hope it can express what you can’t, and that it can help your heavy heart and mind feel just a bit lighter.
“When I’m all cried out, thank God that there are books, films, and songs to do the job for me. “
Tablo (Daniel Armand Lee/Lee Seon Woong) of Epik High | Blonote: pg 134
Epik High|No More Christmas
I think this song is a perfect representation of what I was talking about. This is a song for the people who have struggled and are full of regrets. I love Epik High as their music really resonates with me. I really connect with the lyrics. I think I resonate with their music so well because it’s so genuine. Tablo himself has struggled with his mental health for years. So it’s no surprise that their music feels so genuine to the heart. They’re really kind guys, who truly put thought and heart into their craft and messages.
Always wondered where this path was taking me.
Epik High|No More Christmas
Am I going forward or backward?
Turns out, the path was a circle.
I can’t escape it.
It sounds cheesey, but life is a struggle. There’s a daunting unknown. We do our best and wonder where life takes us. For some of us, things don’t seem to go well. Despite all of your hardest efforts, there are times when it just doesn’t seem to go right. It just feels like a disheartening and endless cycle.
Didn’t notice that half of my calendar was torn away.
Epik High|No More Chritmas
The same with my smile and heart.
Pretending to care for the whole world while building a barrier.
I’ve lost it all.
All lines have been blurred.
It’s no one else’s fault.
It’s my fault for not being able to survive it.
There are times it hits me that time has truly flown by. I can’t help but think, “What did I do with my time? What did I do with my life?” It feels like you’ve accomplished nothing. There are times when everything feels so gray and slow…but it’s suddenly been a year already. You feel like you’ve started off so bright, energetic, and full of smiles. Yet, you now feel numb, empty, and disconnected to everything and everyone. You put on a facade for the rest of the world, but honestly only have walls built up. It’s hard to accept people in. You feel pressure and expectations. You also just feel like you can’t blame anyone but yourself.
Jung Jinwoo|Drowning
This is a very soft and melancholy song from Jung Jinwoo. It’s a song reflecting on yourself. For me, this song hit hard because I know how it feels to be overwhelmed by everything. I know exactly what it feels like to drown in your thoughts.
I’m alive while forgetting me
Jung Jinwoo|Drowning
I don’t even know what’s right
I’m afraid to find the answer
Sometimes I try to ignore it
Time doesn’t wait
I’m just trying to increase the number of things I can prove
[Trans Credit Jyimina PJ]
I think there are times we feel so overwhelmed, that we feel as if we’re drowning. We drown in our thoughts and expectations set by ourselves and others. Sometimes, we just take on too much. It can be a point where you just don’t even know who you are anymore. You’re left feeling so unsure of everything.
Even if you try to push me like that
Jung Jinwoo|Drowning
I can’t move one step forward
Sometimes I’m not confident
I can’t say anything
I’m lost in my thoughts
It keeps sinking
Yeah, it keeps sinking
[Translation Credit: Jyimina PJ]
It’s frustrating. Sometimes it feels so difficult to do anything. It’s as if you can’t do anything. Yet, you deal with alot of pressure. Sometimes you have people who make it seem so easy when it’s not. It only adds to the weight on your mind, and you can’t help but feel like you’re just sinking further down.
DAY6|누군가 필요해 (I Need Somebody)
DAY6 is a rock idol group under JYP Entertainment. I don’t really know them too well or listen to alot of their music. I was randomly exploring songs on Spotify and came across this. I really felt this song. It starts off soft, as if mirroring this empty loneliness. It builds off with heavier rock sounds and raw and powerful vocals as the song progresses. I think it really represents the despair and frustration of loneliness.
Hello there
DAY6| 누군가 필요해 (I Need Somebody)
Is anyone there?
Where is
Is there anyone
To answer me?
Is anyone there?
[Translation Credit: Genius]
The song starts off with a slow and simple piano intro. It’s accompanied with soft and slow vocals. I think it really represents that initial loneliness and cautiousness.
Hello, is anyone there?
DAY6| 누군가 필요해 (I Need Somebody)
Anyone who can accept me?
Is anyone here?
[Translation Credit: Genius]
I think when we often feel lonely because we feel as if people can’t accept us. We often see ourselves as problematic or unlovable. Still, we always hope that maybe there’s someone who could accept us and be there with us.
Why am I alone?
DAY6| 누군가 필요해 (I Need Somebody)
Among all the people surrounding me
Why am I alone?
I’m all alone, I need someone
I need someone right now
[Translation Credit: Genius]
I really like the change of the music and vocals during the chorus. It’s a big contrast to the beginning and verses. I think it really represents the frustration and anger of loneliness, as well as the desperation to have someone by your side.
DAY6|혼자야 (All Alone)
Like I said, I don’t really listen to DAY6. Honestly, I don’t keep up with K-Pop or idols as much as I did during my younger years. However, I really felt this song. It’s actually what first drew me to DAY6’s music. This song resonated with me on those quiet late nights where I was just consumed with emptiness and loneliness.
I’m not lonely
DAY6| 혼자야 (All Alone)
I say to the night sky without any strength
I’m okay today
I say to myself over and over again
[Translation Credit: Popgasa]
For me, I would always try to say I was fine. I’d try to act like I wasn’t lonely. I’d try to fill up that emptiness with playing games or watching dramas. I’d try to keep myself busy to distract myself.
After the day ends and I come back home
DAY6| 혼자야 (All Alone)
I wish there was someone
Who would tell me, good job
And hold me
And even now
[Translation Credit: Popgasa]
Still, it’s only human to want someone there for you. Especially in the times where you feel sad or in pain. It’s nice to have someone reassure you and tell you that you did well. I really felt that because my sister and my friends are all so far away. I literally live in middle of the South. I don’t really have friends. Though I did befriend two of my customers. Still, all I do is work and so I never have a chance to go out. I love my family, but we often have issues because of generational and cultural differences. So there are times I feel incredibly alone.
I’m alone
DAY6| 혼자야 (All Alone)
Under the moonlight
I’m alone
Only the cold night air
Is by my side
Actually, I’m lonely
I hate the night sky that has no answer
[Translation Credit: Popgasa]
It’s those quiet and empty nights that make the loneliness echo even louder. Sometimes, I do finally admit how lonely I feel. I feel hopeless and frustrated. There are times I just cry myself to sleep while being engulfed in that lonely and empty feeling.
Crush|Alone
We know I do love Crush and K-R&B. He recently released his new album, [From Midnight to Sunrise]. It’s very heavy with the 90’s R&B feel and some experimental vibes. It’s a softer, more mature, and artistic sound and feel from him. Honestly, I recommend listening to [the whole album] if you want something soothing to listen to. Anyways, the reason why I love Crush is because his voice and music can sound so soothing. This track is just really soft and comforting. I think it really conveys how alone we can feel. However, it also reminds us that we’re not alone. There’s someone who wants to comfort you and be with you through this.
Trapped in the dark with no one around
Crush|Alone
Finding yourself in the reflection of an abandoned mirror
Fighting through another day
When you’re drowning in sorrow
so deep that tears can’t reach
I will hold you tight
[Translation Credit: K-Lyrics 4 U]
There are days we feel stuck in darkness. We feel hopeless and alone. We fight through each day, There are times where you just can’t help but cry and drown in the sorrow that you feel.
When the rough winds struck me
Crush|Alone
Your small shoulders felt as sturdy as a tree
Time goes by and the wintry season finds us again
When you’re crying softly, just as I had back then,
I will hold you tight
[Translation Credit: K-Lyrics 4 U]
I think we often forget that we’ve somehow supported and comforted others. Often times, they also wish to be there for us too. I know I have friends who’ve comforted me, let me cry, and stayed by myself. To them, it wasn’t much. However, just being there meant alot to me. So I am always ready to be there for them.
When you feel alone and darkness takes over
Crush|Alone
I will always be here to hold you so you won’t be alone
When the world seems to be full of sadness
I will be with you
Lean on me, I will cry with you
[Translation Credit: K-Lyrics 4 U]
We tend to be blinded by darkness and loneliness. There are times sadness weights heavily on us. It’s to the point to just don’t see those around us. However, there truly are people who are there for you. You don’t have to face things alone. There are people who will support you, comfort you, and cry with you.
Agust D (BTS Suga)|So Far Away (Feat. Suran)
This track is by Suga from BTS. He released it as part of his solo work under the name Agust D. It features Suran. I understand the preconceived notions people have of BTS, K-Pop, and idols. However, I really hope you can put that aside. Before being an idol known as BTS’ Suga or Agust D, he was just Min Yoongi. Like Tablo, Yoongi also struggled with mental health. Music was his passion and outlet, and that’s what led him to making it into a career. He puts his thoughts and experiences in his music. It’s even more evident in his work as Agust D. He really put very raw emotions into the lyrics for this track. It’s not sugar coated at all, but truly raw and honest. It truly is a reflection of his desperation, frustration, and sorrow. It’s something that is so very relatable. Yet, he’s also trying to convey hope and comfort to those who may be struggling as he had. There’s also a special version of the track that was released for fans as a part of the 2017 BTS Festa. That version featured only Suga and fellow BTS members Jin and Jungkook. It’s a slightly simpler and softer version. Both versions are beautiful, but I feel like the BTS only version feels a bit more raw. I think out of all the songs, this one probably hit me the hardest.
It’s really a bitch to not have something you want to do
Agust D feat. Suran|So Far Away
I know that it seems pathetic
To not have a dream like everyone
[Translation Credit: Genius]
It’s hard to admit, but I really felt this. I honestly don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t really have any dreams or ambitions. I’ve tried things, and they never worked out for me. Still, the only thing I know and can do… is to work hard. Despite that, I feel so pathetic at times. I think it’s even harder when you hear or see people who have such grand dreams and accomplishments. Being in an Asian family, it feels especially hard. The expectations and pressure can be so heavy. I’ve literally been told how pathetic I am, and how I’m just wasting my life.
That’s right, fuck, I live because I can’t die
Agust D feat. Suran|So Far Away
But I don’t have anything I want to do
I’m in so much pain and loneliness
But people around me keep telling me to regain my consciousness
I try to vent my anger but I only got myself
So what’s the point of venting my anger
I’m scared to open my eyes everyday and start breathing
[Translation Credit: Genius]
Everything hasn’t gone how I wanted it to. I don’t have dreams like everyone else, but I’m trying hard. I’m trying hard to just live, and I’m trying to be content with that for now. Being lambasted and called pathetic doesn’t help. I just end up feeling more pathetic. There are times I wonder if there’s even a point to living. I get frustrated and angry. It really is, “Fuck, I live because I can’t die.” It sucks not having anything you want to do. It’s painful, and you feel so alone. Especially when you’re constantly being shitted on. People give “advice” and make it seem so easy. You want to vent, but you feel like you can’t turn to anyone. You wonder if there’s a point. These things weigh on you. These weighed heavily on me and left me traumatized. I fear meeting people and getting asked questions. I fear the judgmental looks and comments. There were times I really didn’t want to wake up and breathe at all. I had a nightmare that I was being chased by a murdering monster. I was terrified, even though it was a bit of a lucid dream. Suddenly my alarm was going off. As it went off, the monster and everyone stopped and looked at me with pity. “Oh no…don’t wake up.” They gave me pity and concern about having to return to reality.
Even my friends and family are drifting away
Agust D feat. Suran|So Far Away
I feel anxious as time passes by
It feels like I’m all by myself
I hope everything disappears when I’m alone
I hope things disappear like a mirage
I hope things disappear
I hope my damn self disappears
I’m abandoned like this in the world
In this moment I’m drifting away from the sky
I’m falling
[Translation Credit: Genius]
Everything and everyone starts to feel so far away. You feel distant, as if you can’t connect with people or your surroundings. All you have is anxiety and bitter loneliness. You feel like no one could understand or accept you, and this leads to a deeper loneliness. You start to wallow in your negativity. You feel even more pathetic and worthless; Just wishing everything disappeared. Including yourself. It feels like you’ve been completely abandoned, and falling deeper into the darkness.
I will be there for your creation
Agust D feat. Suran|So Far Away
Until the end of your life (don’t far away)
Wherever you might be
It will be lenient
You will fully bloom
After all the hardships
Your beginnings will seem humble
So prosperous will your future be
[Translation Credit: Genius]
However, the truth is we’re not truly alone. The thing is we have a hard time seeing the positive in ourselves. We may not have a grandiose dream, but that’s okay. Surely, we do have something amazing. It’s really based on perspective. To us it may not seem big, but perhaps we can have a big impact on someone or something else. We’ll struggle, but one day we’ll bloom and our future will be more prosperous than our struggles.
CIRRRCLE|Mental Health
I only recently stumbled upon CIRRRCLE. They’re a Tokyo/LA hip-hop crew consisting of a Japanese rapper, an American army brat who grew up in Japan, and a Japanese salary-man who’s also a DJ. The song is completely in English. This was the first song I stumbled on, and I instantly connected with it. I thought it was pretty powerful since addressing mental health in Asia is still pretty taboo. Like the song says, I really wish that one day your stress will be gone.
Take it a day at a time
CIRRRCLE|Mental Health
That’s what I say I say to myself
Take it a day at a time
I put it on mental health
Sometimes we’re just so overwhelmed with everything. All you can do is try to take it a day at a time.
Whats wrong pretty face
CIRRRCLE|Mental Health
I see your pain
No time to rest
You do your best
I do my best
Dont get too stressed
We’re often in alot of pain and overwhelmed by everything. We’re not the only ones though. Everyone is struggling, and that’s okay. All we can do is to try to do our best.
Plz dont pretend you’ll be alright
CIRRRCLE|Mental Health
I’d protect your light n your smile
I seen your best side
So i’ll be on your side
Often times we try to hide our struggle and pain. We put on this facade that we’re fine; Believing that we have no one, and no one to understand us. However, that’s not true. There are people out there who do understand, and do truly care. They’re the ones that can attest to our strengths and accomplishments. Most importantly, they’re the ones who’ll be on our side through thick and thin.
I know how hard it can be say the things on your mind and the pain in your heart. I hope that these songs help take off some of the weight you’ve carried. I hope that you may have felt some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. Perhaps some relief in expressing the things you don’t know how to express. If you ever do wish to have someone to lean on or talk to, my inboxes are always open. I’m happy to listen to you vent about your worries. I won’t judge. I can also just send memes or cute animal pictures if you just want a reason to smile. I’m happy to do that if it helps you forget the bad things, even for a moment. I truly wish you all happiness. I’m proud of you for making it this far.
Always with love,
Minty💜
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