BAYOG Playlist| Mental Health Awareness Month — Minty’s Airbag

TRIGGER WARNING: I’ll be touching upon topics relating to mental health. Sensitive topics such as depression, anxiety, and suicide may appear in this post. I understand if you can’t read this. It’s fine, I would never push you. I wish you nothing but comfort and happiness.

Hey BAYOG Fam. As I said in my previous post [HERE], I wanted to do some posts for Mental Health Awareness Month. Today will be like a mix between a Playlist and a Boba Chats post… While it is a playlist post, there are things about these songs that really help me get through those dark days.

As you know, music is something very dear and personal to me. I love music, and I could listen to music all day. I kind of do. I have trouble sleeping alot, so I also tend to listen to music when I sleep too. I enjoy singing and writing lyrics, and it brings me alot of joy and an give me outlet as well. However, it’s also important to me because it’s what gives me comfort. I can feel the melody, the music itself, and the lyrics. The songs I enjoy the most, tend to be because of the lyrics. Lyrics can convey a story and a message. Everything works together to connect with the audience as it conveys something that can be truly meaningful. Music is important to me because it’s able to convey the thoughts and feelings I can’t seem to describe. It’s heals me.

Like I said in my last post, sometimes I have really dark days. There are days when I feel like I’ve been hit by a wall of sadness, anxiety, and loneliness. On those days, where everything seems tougher and darker than usual, I listen to my Airbag Playlist. I know, you’re probably thinking, “…Airbag…? What…?” The playlist is inspired by one of my favorite songs, “Airbag” by Tablo of Epik High. The idea is that there are times where it seems like we’re heading towards this wall of sadness. In those days, wouldn’t it be nice to have an airbag to cushion you from some of the impact? So I made a playlist of songs that do that for me. They’re songs that either seem to directly convey my mood, thoughts, feelings, situation, or just songs to bring comfort and bring up my spirits. My original playlist also included some Linkin Park and Thai songs, but I’ve made a more relevant version for BAYOG. I hope that these songs are able to do that for you. This is what I listen to when I want to say something, but can’t. It’s what I listen to when I’m in pain, lonely, frustrated, discouraged, and sad. It’s all that I feel, all that I wish I could say, and all that I wish someone would say to me. I hope these songs can keep you company during those long days or sleepless nights.

I really encourage you to look at the lyrics, and maybe they can bring you comfort too. I have another thing to say. I know it may come off a bit hypocritical because I often forget these things myself… I often forget the advice and comfort I give to others. Still…No matter what you’re dealing with, I just want to say, “Thank you.” Thank you for breathing. You’re amazing to have carried all that weight on your shoulders. I know how hard it must have been, and I just want to say I’m proud of you. You are not worthless. You’ve done a great job, and it’s enough. Don’t push yourself too hard. Don’t be so hard on yourself. May happiness come to you, may you breathe easier, and may your today’s and tomorrow’s be easier than your yesterday’s.

Here’s my full playlist:

타블로 Feat. 나얼 (브라운 아이드 소울) Tablo Feat. Naul (Brown Eyed Soul)|Airbag

The first song I want to talk about is none other than Tablo’s “Airbag”. Tablo of Epik High (에픽하이) is my hero; As is Epik High as a whole. They’re dorky as hell, but the music and lyrics are truly something else. Tablo a literal genius. He’s multilingual, has a hella high IQ, and graduated from Stanford University. Dude got his bachelor’s and master’s in 3.5 years. He’s a musical and lyrics genius as well. His lyrics are like poetry. He’s also an author and released a couple books too. Blonotes is one of my favorites and also helps give me strength and comfort. His and Epik High’s music has always given me strength and comfort when some of the toughest times in my life. I’m also super grateful to have been able to attend the Epik High concert and meet them last month. What I love about Tablo and Epik High’s music and lyrics, is how genuine and sincere it is. It comes from a personal place. “Airbag” features Naul of Brown Eyed Soul, and is from Tablo’s solo album called 열꽃 Fever’s End. It’s an amazing album, but it was the product of a really difficult time in Tablo’s life.

Epik High was doing really well, when suddenly someone decided they wanted to question whether Tablo really graduated from Stanford. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but he did. However, it was a big scandal. A group of haters were formed and long story short, they ruined his life. It affected those around him too. Tablo just seemed engulfed in darkness. I know he felt really apologetic towards his wife, whom he had just married at the time, and their daughter. It really spiraled out of control, and it was to a point that Stanford had to actually get involved and say, “Yes, he did really attend and graduate from Stanford.” They even did a documentary where he went all the way there and the staff confirmed and showed evidence that his credentials were legit. Yet the damage was done. Despite the evidence, Tablo’s haters/anti-fans still vehemently continued to spread hate and question/deny his credentials. Fortunately, Tablo was able to get through the hate and bounce back. Tablo has been asked about this time in several interviews. He always describes it as when his life just crumbled and that everything he held dear was taken from him.

This song is what I listen to when I feel sadness and loneliness. It’s a song for when you’re in that mood to just gaze out the window, watching the rain as you’relost in though during a drive. There are times when these emotions can’t be avoided. Wouldn’t it be great to have an airbag to keep you from crashing into the great sadness ahead?

I need an airbag
Before I hit the great sadness that approaches
I need an airbag
It’s too late to avoid it

Tablo | Airbag |Trans: Popgasa

에픽하이 Epik High| Run

This Epik High song is probably the song on this playlist that’s dearest to me. Like I said, I absolutely love Epik High. Tablo, Mithra, and DJ Tukutz do a fantastic job in their craft and art. This is usually -THE- song that I always listen to when I feel incredibly discouraged. The lyrics always resonate with me. The idea of feeling like you’re constantly running. You run to try to escape, and you run because you’re frustrated. You keep running, but seem to be going nowhere… That you feel like you’ve been completely abandoned, and you feel utterly hopeless. Still, you keep on running. Every part of the lyrics resonate with me. Again, it’s dear to me because it feels like someone understands exactly how I feel and what I’ve been through. It feels as like I’m being comforted, and I’m being given strength and support.

It’s pitch dark.
The world moves on too fast.
I’m the only one who’s limping on both legs.
The path I must walk is endless.
What’s at the end of this path?
Are you going there knowing about it?
Will I learn the answers if I go there with my eyes closed?
The sky that never responds to a such question.
The two arms tied up by a daily life is too heavy to embrace dreams.
I’m scared, I’ve been abandoned locked away.
Just for today run somewhere like you’re crazy.

Epik High (MiThra’s Verse)| Run | Trans: Princess.Of.Tea

One of the main reasons why this song is also so important to me, is because it helped me through one of the hardest times in my life. October 20, 2010. That was during my second year of college. I remember getting boba with a friend before class when she received a text. It was from someone we knew who was still attending our high school. Her text said that my sister was hit by a car at school and it severed her leg. I’m very close to my sister, so you can imagine my initial anger and disbelief. I thought it was a sick joke, but it was true. I kinda blanked out. I just remember crying so much and not being able to breathe. I was worried about whether my sister was ok. I was worried that she wouldn’t make it. It ended up being a really big deal, and was extensively covered by the local media. I legally can’t talk about alot of the details. What I can say is that my sister became an above the knee amputee that day. It was overwhelming. We were bombarded by the media and strangers. We had people pretending or claiming to be close to us. It was heartbreaking because everything would change. It was two weeks before my sister’s birthday, which she spent in the hospital. It was hard to see my sister and think of her future. To think of the things she would lose. At the same time, she showed alot of strength. I was happy to see how strong she was. However, it killed me inside to see her in pain and cry. I’ll admit that I was angry and lost alot of faith in whatever high power there is out there. Epik High’s “Run” and it’s music video was something we’d play and watch alot. I remember my sister watching the video and saying, “It’s like me!” It really provided so much comfort and support. It helped us get through everything, and continue running forward.

My life is a rainy night that rains 365 days.
Heart that gets smaller in every 24 hours.
I even hid the small comma and its tail,
then the future that awaits me becomes a period…
But carry the new day on your shoulder and run.
What am I running towards?
Weather if the sun’s setting or I if I’m losing…
I don’t know.
But I go.
Keep on runnin’ runnin’ runnin’ high.
I’m the young star that has been abandoned by the galaxy.

EPIK HIGH (Tablo’s VERSE)| RUN | TRANS: PRINCESS.OF.TEA

에픽하이 Feat. 오혁 (HYUKOH) Epik High Feat. Oh Hyuk (HYUKOH)| 빈차 (Home Is Far Away)

This is one of Epik High’s more recent music. This was released back in 2017 on their We’ve Done Something Wonderful album. The song is called 빈차 (Home Is Far Away), or “Taxi (Home Is Far Away)”. It features Oh Hyuk of the indie band HYUKOH. This is another song where the whole song, from the music itself and every lyric, resonates with me. For me, home is somewhere dear to you. It’s a place where you feel warm, comfortable, and safe. I can’t really say I have a home… I have a place where I sleep, but it doesn’t feel like home. My home is back in Florida, where I’m with my sister and friends. There are days I feel so tired, lonely, and this emptiness… I miss home. This song basically about having that hard, tiring, and lonely day. We’ve been pushed and told to do this and that. We all end up carrying a heavy weight that leaves us exhausted. Some of us were forced to forget the dreams we carried, in order to carry these expectations people push on us. There are times it feels like we were forced to abandon the dreams we held and what made us unique. Just for us to become ordinary. The constant grinding each day and the expectations placed on you can really wear you out. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to put down that weight? Even if it’s just a while?

Nothing has changed
I’m alone in this playground
I got on top of the high bars
But I’ve been on my tip toes all my life
What’s always been asked of me
Is to reach a bit higher than I’m able to
The standards of the world is becoming like Everest
The more I go towards the top, stress builds up like a mountain
I know I can never rest
No sleeping pills to put my anxieties to sleep
So I’m biting down on my tongue and staying up all night
Since I was young
I was taught to stay in line
Now I know why
Complicated relationships, it’s a paradox
Only relationships exist and there’s no room for humans
Afraid of becoming ordinary, I dreamed a dream
But now, I’m jealous of the ordinary
As I stand all alone in the rain
If you don’t grow, growing pains is just pain

EPIK HIGH (TABLO’S VERSE)| 빈차 (Home Is Far Away)| TRANS: Genius

I get more and more scared
I’m running but my feet and heart forget why
Dreams just become baggage now
My only hope is to just leave it behind and run
Rushing myself to take just one more step
But when I looked up, I’m right in front of a cliff
I look back and all these expectations are lined up behind me
It pretends to support me but it’s pushing my back
I wanted to place a comma in my heart some time
But now it’s mixed up with all these numbers
The calculating world holds out its hand
I don’t want to hold it but I’m even more scared of being empty-handed
I can hold it but would time really be the only thing that goes away?
As I look at the cloudy sky
I thought, I used to have dreams at one point
Tonight is another sleepless night

EPIK HIGH (Mithra’s VERSE)| 빈차 (HOME IS FAR AWAY)| TRANS: GENIUS

에픽하이 Feat. 김종완 (넬) Epik High Feat. Kim Jong Wan (Nell)|Amor Fati

The title “Amor Fati” is Latin for “Love of Faith”, or “Love of One’s Faith”. It’s the idea that what’s meant to be is meant to be and necessary; Be it good, or bad. It’s accepting the events and situations in your life. Tablo is an atheist. The man has been through alot. So I don’t blame him. I believe the idea that sparked this song is the harsh criticisms and struggles that the LGBTQ community constantly deals with. Of course Epik High’s music is also made to be interpreted however you wish. I relate with alot of the lyrics. Many people go through difficult experiences, and harsh judgement. There are times it’s frustrating and infuriating. We lose faith in religion, God, and people. Like I said earlier, I was angry at God or whatever high power there is. My family and I have been through our fair sure of shit. My sister’s accident was just something that made me the most angry. It doesn’t help that I’ve heard people (and people closely affiliated with a religious group), say things like, “It was meant to be. It was God’s plan.” I’ve even heard and read people say things like, “She deserved it” and “It’s karma for things your family may have done in the past”. I don’t completely deny faith or God…but you can say that I’m not eager to put faith or belief in it. I’d rather put it in what I see and experience.

You try to run away,
run away from the world.
But then you run away,
run away from yourself
and you don’t know the way home.
I believe in myself
I believe in the sweat on my hands
I believe in my heart
I believe in love
But they call me a non-believer.

EPIK HIGH | Amor Fati| TRANS: Popgasa

Oh God.
He doesn’t love me.
I know He doesn’t love me.
Well, neither do I.
Neither do I.

EPIK HIGH | AMOR FATI| TRANS: POPGASA

에픽하이 Epik High| Lullaby For A Cat

This song is from their newest album that dropped in March called, Sleepless In ________. The whole album is fantastic, and I definitely recommend it. It’s made for those who are sleepless because they’re lonely, heartbroken, down, depressed, missing someone, have nightmares, or just can’t enjoy the things that brought them joy. “Lullaby For A Cat” was one of my most favorite tracks. It’s the last track on the album, but basically features bits of all the previous songs on the album. The track is a lo-fi kind of song. It’s a very chill and melancholic song. It’s a short song and the lyrics are all in English too. It’s sad, but at the same time sounds so soothing. For me, I like this song because reminds me of the sadness and betrayals I’ve dealt with. There are times when you’re in alot of pain. I hate when people invalidate what other’s are going through or feeling. I hate when people say things like, “That’s nothing”, or “You’ll get over it.” So the lyrics really hit close to home for me.

Whoever said no pain
No gain
Don’t know pain
Intimately like I do
As infinitely as I do
Been lied about and lied to
Too many times to fight it
Some bridges were built to burn
No need to help ignite it
A party of one or party of none
Please keep me disinvited

EPIK HIGH | Lullaby for a Cat

에픽하이 Epik High|새벽에 (Eternal Sunshine)

This is another song from the Sleepless In ________ album. It’s called
“At Dawn (Eternal Sunshine)”. It’s another favorite. Honestly, I just love the whole album, and yeah, it’s all included in the full playlist. I should also note that Suga from BTS had a hand in producing this track as well. Anyway, this is another song that I can really relate to every lyric. Sometimes, we’re sleepless for a multitude of reasons. It can range from anxiety, loneliness, stress, etc. Living is hard. We’re stressed, and the world can seem so dark. We’re left feeling tired and wanting to just stay in bed and try to sleep. We’re forced to live through certain expectations, made to compete with each other, and we’re forcibly rushed towards a goal set by others. However, we’re all different. There’s nothing wrong with us for not wanting to go along with that system. It’s okay if we don’t rush. It’s okay not to do things like other people. It’s fine to move at your own pace. It’s another jazzy hip hop track. It’s really chill, but also a bit more upbeat as well. I totally related to this track, because like I said…I’ve definitely been sleepless for these very reasons.

Do you get lonely?
Sick with anxiety?
Can’t trust nobody?
Well, same here

EPIK HIGH |
새벽에 (Eternal Sunshine) | TRANS: Genius

I got trouble sleeping…
I’m suffering again
When was the last time I slept deeply
I go out with my eyes half opened. Close it halfways and go back home
I can’t even see half of the world. Does that mean my life is just half of a whole?
I hold it and run
Not because I have a dream to chase
But because I want to run away from the nightmares all around me
I know because I’ve fallen apart before
That it is higher than any other peak
The top right above the bottom
I’m never goin’ down again
I won’t fall ever again
Sometimes I wanna hug someone and cry out loud

EPIK HIGH |
새벽에 (ETERNAL SUNSHINE) | TRANS: GENIUS

Baby Slow down
Stop feeling suffocated
Stop feeling anxious that you might fall behind
Good things come in due time
Pay it no mind
It’s those who will leave you behind even if you miss a step
Don’t feel pressured to keep up the steps
The peoples’ “hurry, hurry”
They have already stopped, standing still
They are impatient because of their regretful youth
Every moment the fire falls on the top of your foot (you are hurried)
It means the ceiling is on fire
It’s not your fault

EPIK HIGH |
새벽에 (ETERNAL SUNSHINE) | TRANS: GENIUS

에픽하이 Epik High|비가 온대 내일도 (Rain Again Tomorrow)

“Rain Again Tomorrow” kind of goes with what I said above. We’re trying to deal with everything on our plate. Sometimes we create these walls and have to try to climb over them. Throughout everything, we go through alot. Sometimes it feels like what we get feels like nothing compared to what we’ve poured in. Then you have people basically telling you, “It’s nothing. It’ll be fine.” However, sometimes things aren’t easy. Sometimes, there is no sunshine. Sometimes it just seems like there’s only rain ahead.

The path I walk on
I know I’m walking on a dead-end road
But I repeat this cycle dozens of times
The work I do
They give it a likeable name – ‘creation’
But I’m building and climbing over my own walls
Passing on a galaxy’s worth of emotions that I’ve earned through life
To earn a few stars
They say tomorrow is another sunrise
Those rain clouds tell me otherwise

EPIK HIGH |
비가 온대 내일도 (RAIN AGAIN TOMORROW) | TRANS: GENIUS

Again, I think this album is perfect for those dealing with alot of things that leave them sleepless.

A sea of thoughts
I keep sinking, perhaps because I don’t know where it ends
Every night I try to swim freely
Only to end up breaking like a wave
The night only grows longer and blacker

EPIK HIGH |
비가 온대 내일도 (Rain Again Tomorrow) | TRANS: GENIUS

DEAN| instagram

We live in a very technological world now. These days, everyone is on social media like Instagram. I am. I like using Instagram as a diary to capture memories. We see people posting this and that, showing the lives we wished we could live. However, social media like Instagram can make us compare our lives with other people. To be blunt, sometimes it’s all very fake. The things we post on Instagram and social media is like a persona. There may be some parts that are true, but often times we do things in order to show how we want people to see us. This song by Dean is about those late nights where you can’t sleep and end up scrolling through Instagram. Like the song, sometimes I feel like there’s something missing. I feel this emptiness, and I feel so very lonely. I tend to look through Instagram to see some amazing things in hopes to fill that void. I’ll scroll through my own posts to try to remember those moments. However, sometimes it makes me feel emptier and lonelier. Still, I end up continuing to scroll through Instagram. It’s a complicated and frustrating feeling of emptiness, sadness, loneliness, envy, and disappointment.

There’s a hole in my heart
Nothing can fill it up, yeah
I’m sinking right now
Inside a square ocean

DEAN| INSTAGRAM | TRANS: POPGASA

Lonely lonely so lonely
Are things always this hard?
no way no way
In this feed
People are living in a different world from me

DEAN| INSTAGRAM | TRANS: POPGASA

I’ll also admit, sometimes the things I post is just a way to say something about how I feel too. Yet, no one would know those hidden feelings.

I’m useless posting these pictures
But no one knows my hidden feelings behind them
I’m wandering again
Inside Instagram

DEAN| instagram | Trans: Popgasa

에픽하이 Epik High | Over

There are times we have so much expectation and pressure on us. However, we still long for and seek approval and validation from certain people. Sometimes, it seems impossible to attain. Sometimes, it’s not enough. Still you try and try. Sometimes you overdo it and it’s to the point that you’re harming yourself.

You got so much to prove
Hoping they approve
The only thing that’s true is all you ever do is do
You’re moving shoe to shoe but you’re not going
You stop growing

에픽하이 Epik High | Over

Want a break from the world but the world wanna break you
The weight makes your back bone curl up and ache you

에픽하이 Epik High | Over

에픽하이 Feat. 김종완 (넬) Epik High Feat. Kim Jong Wan (Nell) | 행복합니다

Yet another song from Epik High. Yeah, most of my playlist consists of their songs because I find it so easy to relate to for several reasons. This next song is called, “I’m Happy”. This is an older song that once again, features King Jong Wan of Nell. Before I get into it, I have to say this a slightly more dark and twisted song. I don’t know about you guys, but sometimes I Just want to listen to sad songs when I’m in darkness. Again, it’s the idea of something really fitting your mood and as if someone understands that dark place. The thing that stands out about this song is that it embodies depression. “I’m Happy” starts off talking about doing simple everyday things. Things like setting up your desk, greeting people, trying to look good, smiling, laughing alot, and just going through the motions of life. It also talks about just trying to close your eyes, taking a breath, and imagine being a bird. The way you feel inside is completely different from the persona you show to everyone else. Despite the smiles and laughs, you want to scream inside. We wonder if everything is alright. Despite wanting to cry, we tell everyone things like, “I’m happy…so happy I could die…” It doesn’t matter who you are, or how successful you are. Sometimes, that’s just how you feel. Sometimes you tell yourself to do something new, set a goal, or be positive to help you get out of that rut. Still, some people can’t help feeling that way. Now for the dark and twisted part of the song…

I laugh a bit louder than others
I get up, smile and say hi
In the elevator, I close my eyes for even a little while
I imagine of becoming a bird
I get off and inhale the city’s air
I walk forward and my shoulder bumps into someone walking past
I say “Oh, sorry”
While waiting for the subway, today, I shut my mouth and cry out again

EPIK HIGH |
행복합니다 | TRANS: EPIK HIGH TRANSLATIONS

Towards the end of the song, Tablo and Mithra have verses that seem like they’re trying to be more positive. However, their voices and verses overlap. It ultimately creates some really dark things instead. “I should breathe deeply” and “I should stop smoking” overlap and ends up becoming something like “I should stop breathing”. Again, I think this song really embodies the minds of people who are struggling with depression and other issues. You go from trying to go through the motions, feeling heavy, wishing for something different, trying to cover everything, questioning yourself, trying to be positive, saying you’re happy, but ultimately still have darkness weighing on your mind. Sometimes people put out a positive persona, but sometimes there’s a hidden message of pain.

I’m doing well right now, right? Right?
But why do I keep tearing up like this?
Why?

EPIK HIGH |
행복합니다 | TRANS: Epik High Translations

다이나믹 듀오 & 첸 (엑소) Dynamic Duo & Chen (EXO) |기다렸다 가 (Nosedive)

This next song is by the legendary hip-hop duo Dynamic Duo, and Chen of EXO. I think “Nosedive” is another really comforting song that also perfectly describes how worn out people feel from their daily and mental struggles. It’s about feeling weak, feeling like we’ve become much weaker than we were before. Sometimes you just want to cry. Sometimes you feel burdened with all these thoughts in your head. There are times when you just feel so incredibly lonely. Sometimes you wish you could reach out, but something holds you back. However, this song reminds us that it’s ok. It’s ok to feel weak and vulnerable. When you’re in pain it’s ok to cry, and to cry much more sadly than ever before. It’s ok, and you’re not alone.

I don’t think I’m alone
We call each other friends
Sometimes, the misfortune called depression
Blocks me with a net called laziness

Dynamic Duo & Chen | 기다렸다 가 (Nosedive) | Trans: Popgasa

Everyone is going on their own path
But only I’m stopped in place
Will I be okay like this?
That question doesn’t leave my head

Dynamic Duo & Chen | 기다렸다 가 (Nosedive) | Trans: Popgasa

When things are hard
You can just cry in pain
More sadly
When sadness leaves
When the tears are about to stop
With my thumb
I’ll brush across
The bottom of your eye

Dynamic Duo & Chen | 기다렸다 가 (Nosedive) | Trans: Popgasa

코드 쿤스트 Feat. 타블로 & 콜드 CODE KUNST Feat. Tablo & Colde| rain bird(비네)

This song by producer Code Kunst features Colde’s vocals and Tablo’s rap verses. “Rain Bird” is another sad/depressing song I listen to when I’m feeling really low. You wish the pain could stop, but sometimes you just can’t help but feel sad.

Clouds dominate the weather forecast
When tears of depression fall like rain
Not even an umbrella could save me
The reflection of myself in the mirror beneath my feet

CODE KUNST Feat. Tablo & Colde } rain bird(비네) | Trans: Genius

Gentle rain on the rooftop
Let’em hide all my teardrops
When I cry and pray God
Please make the pain stop
Gentle rain on the rooftop
Let’em hide all my teardrops
When I cry and pray God
Please make the pain stop
But the pain is all I got

CODE KUNST Feat. Tablo & Colde } rain bird(비네) | Trans: Genius

이하이 Lee Hi| 한숨 (Breathe)

This song by Lee Hi was written by the late Jonghyun (Lee Jonghyun) of SHINee. Jonghyun had struggled alot with depression and other things. and unfortunately ended up committing suicide in December 2017. This song was meant to be a comforting song. It acknowledges the struggles we may be dealing with. Sometimes we don’t know the full extent of someone’s pain and burden. This song also reminds us that it’s okay, that we’re not alone, and that we’ve done well. Sometimes all we need is someone to be by our sides, and to comfort us with simple words like that. For me, it resonates with me because I know that it’s sincere and genuine place. I imagine this is something Jonghyun wanted to tell himself, and those who are struggling as well.

It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words

Even if others think your sigh
Takes out energy and strength
I already know
That you had a day that’s hard enough
To let out even a small sigh
Now don’t think of anything else
Let out a deep sigh
Just let it out like that

Someone’s breath
That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright
I’ll hold you
You really did a good job

이하이 Lee Hi| 한숨 (Breathe) |Trans: Popgasa

방탄소년단 BTS| 낙원 (Paradise)

I used to be a really big K-Pop fan girl. I started easing my way out towards the end of my college years. I just ended up transitioning more towards R&B, Hip-Hop, and Indie stuff. To be honest, I don’t even know alot of the current idols or songs. However, I really do like BTS. I think it’s commendable on how they’re very aware of important issues and try to send positive messages. They seem like very genuine and hard-working dudes, idols or not. One of my favorite songs is “Paradise”. It really hit home for me. I’ve basically lived my life for my family. I’ve given up alot of things, and been told to do and to be things that I’m not. I’ve ended up just focusing on going forward and taking care of my current circumstances. Ultimately, I ended up having no real ambition or goal. Still, I work hard. I just don’t know what to do. The future is so ambiguous and overwhelming. People tell me to do this or that. This song talks about how life is basically a marathon. We’re told the end of that finish line is a paradise. We’re all trying to make it to the goal. We keep running, and running towards that goal. Some people will willingly step on others and push them down to get there. However, BTS reminds us that it’s ok. It’s okay to stop running aimlessly. It’s ok to stop and catch your breath. There’s no need for us to try to be like others. We can go at our own pace. We’re all going to end up at the same place regardless. It’s ok for us to have different dreams. It’s alright if we don’t have any dreams. All that matters is that if we’re able to feel happiness. It’s enough that we’re breathing. Live your life however you want, big or small. Just do you.

It’s alright to stop
You don’t need to run without knowing why
It’s alright to not have any dreams
If you have moments where you can feel happiness
It’s alright to stop
Don’t run without knowing where you’re going anymore
It’s alright to not have any dreams
All of the air you breathe out is already paradise

방탄소년단 BTS| 낙원 (Paradise) | Trans: Popgasa

I don’t have a dream
Sometimes, dreaming is scary
Just living like this
Just surviving is a small dream to me
Dreaming, holding onto that dream
Breathing, sometimes these things are hard
That guy did that, that girl did that
The world tells me as it bashes me

Yeah
The world has no right to bash you
What’s the law for dreams?
No one ever taught us
Because it’s a made-up dream, a tearful sleep talk
Wake up from your nightmare
Just smile for yourself, in that paradise

방탄소년단 BTS| 낙원 (Paradise) | Trans: Popgasa

What’s so great about dreams?
Just be who you want
We deserve a life
Whether it’s big or small, you’re just doing you

방탄소년단 BTS| 낙원 (Paradise) | Trans: Popgasa

방탄소년단 BTS| Awake

This track is Jin’s solo track on the Wings album. I can really relate to this one because sometimes I just feel hopeless and like I’m not good anything. I find myself struggling alot. Still, I’m trying. I’m enduring all that I can because that’s all I can do. The times I feel happiest feel like a dream. There are times I really wish I can continue to dream. Like I said, sometimes I feel utterly hopeless. Still, I have people I care about. I have my friends who care for me as well. The times I spend with my friends are all so precious and they’ve given me so much. So even if I’m hopeless, I wish to continue dreaming with them. I wish to hold on to them and try to bring them happiness. Honestly, I’m scared when I think of the future. However, I’m trying to keep walking along with the love and support from my friends. I confess, I’m ready for people to drop me. I’ve been betrayed by people I held dear in the past. So I do have a hard time opening up and trusting people. Still, I really treasure the ones I’m close with today. After college, my friend circle dwindled. Especially with my situation which leads me to be pretty isolated and literally states and countries apart from my friends. Still, the ones who stuck around with me are the ones I hold so incredibly dear. I’m so eternally grateful to them. I’d understand if they too decide to forget me one day. Still, I want to be able to enjoy their company, memories, and friendship as much as I can.

I am walking in this darkness
The happy times asked me
Are you really ok?
Oh no
I answered, no, I’m so scared
But still, I have six flowers in my hand
And I’m just walking

방탄소년단 BTS| Awake

ONE OK ROCK| Stand Out Fit In

We all know how much I love ONE OK ROCK. Much like why I like Epik High, I liked some of the topics and emotions ONE OK ROCK covers with their music. “Stand Out Fit In” is from their latest album. The song and MV really stood out to me as an Asian-American who struggles with my identity, and as someone who’s had to deal with ignorance and racism. However, the lyrics also really hit me. I could really relate to it in regards to my current situation and struggles. It seems like everyone is telling me what to do, what to be, how to do things, etc. I feel like everyone is telling me to be someone I’m not. Sometimes I’m told really contradictory things. It’s confusing. It’s frustrating. It’s really overwhelming. Not going to lie, I’m tired of hearing the same things. I’m just tired in general. I’m just trying my best, and trying to live. After all, I am who I am. I just want to be myself. This is me, and this is my life.

Try to color inside their lines
Try to live a life by design
I just wanna be myself
I can’t be someone else
Someone else

ONE OK ROCK | Stand Out Fit In

Lately, it’s been too much all day
Words shot like a cannon at me
I just wanna be myself
I can’t be someone else, someone else

ONE OK ROCK | Stand Out Fit In

Repeating the same things over and over
I’m tired of these days
I just want to be myself the way that I am
Can’t be someone else

ONE OK ROCK | Stand Out Fit In (Japanese Version) | Trans: ONE OK ROCK Lyrics Respository

종현 Feat. 태연 Jonghyun Feat. Taeyeon| Lonely

“Lonely” was a track from Jonghyun’s solo album. It featured Taeyeon from Girls’ Generation. I think this song really encompasses when you feel weighed down by alot of things, wanting to share everything, but being afraid to share your burdens. You’re just used to keeping it all bottled up inside. Ultimately, you end up feeling really lonely. Still, you wished you could share your burdens and be understood.

Baby I’m so Lonely so Lonely
I feel like I’m alone
When I see you so tired
I worry that I’m baggage to you
That I’m too much

Jonghyun Feat. Taeyeon| Lonely |Trans: Popgasa

Baby I’m so Lonely so Lonely
I feel like I’m alone
I don’t want to make it obvious to you
I’m used to just holding it in
Understand me

Jonghyun Feat. Taeyeon| Lonely |Trans: Popgasa

ONE OK ROCK | We Are

“We Are” is probably one of my most favorite songs from the Ambitions album. Both the English and Japanese version hit home. However, I feel like the Japanese lyrics hit me alot harder.
I’ve said it before in my ONE OK ROCK post:

This song was made with the youth in mind. People, especially young people, have alot of pressures and uncertainties. It’s easy to feel despair when it seems like you’re being told or made to feel worthless. ONE OK ROCK made this song for these young people to relate to, and to help them feel more empowered. You’re not worthless, foolish, or failures.

They think we are made up
Of all of our failures
They think we are foolish

ONE OK ROCK| We Are

I said it in my Boba Chat post, I didn’t have a conventional childhood. I felt like I was forced to be an adult really quickly. I try my best. I work really hard. Still, I’ve been told my efforts weren’t enough. I’ve been invalidated, insulted, and even had things thrown at me. I’ve been that I’m nothing, I’m a failure, reminded of my faults and failures. I’m told to dream and have ideas, but when I do, I’m told that I’m being foolish. It’s something that kept chipping away at me, and truly made me feel so worthless. We shouldn’t be made to feel that way. We all have worth in some way. We also should be able to be free to make our own choices. We shouldn’t have to live our lives the way others dictate us to do so.

The moment the dream ended and I woke up,
So did despair and hope
In the mirror, a reflection of myself asks me
“What’s the point of living if you’re deceiving yourself?”

ONE OK ROCK| We Are (Japanese Version) | Trans: Myownstory

When you’re standing on the edge
So young and hopeless
Got demons in your head
We are, we are
No ground beneath your feet
Now here to hold you
‘Cause we are, we are
The colors in the dark

ONE OK ROCK| WE ARE

루나 Luna | 운다고 (Even So)

“Even So” is a track by Luna of f(x). The track sounds like a bit of a fun and upbeat kind of song. However, the lyrics isn’t exactly upbeat. Luna has a sweet voice, but you can hear a bit of sadness in it. She basically sings about how crying wouldn’t make a difference, that she should cry. She says she can brush it off, but even so she can’t help but cry. There are times when you just feel really weak and want to be alone. It’s ok to not put up a front and feel vulnerable. Sometimes you just need to cry it out.

Just leave me alone
I’ll be alright
Just want for me
I just want to be alone right now

루나 Luna | 운다고 (Even So) | Trans: Popgasa

I’m sure crying won’t make a difference
But I just want to cry
There’s no reason to hold it in
Things might get better

루나 Luna | 운다고 (Even So) | Trans: Popgasa

문별 Feat. 슬기 Moon Byul (MAMAMOO) Feat. Seul Gi (Red Velvet)| Seflish

This is just a more cheery and chill kind of track by Moon Byul of MAMAMOO and Seul Gi of Red Velvet. It’s basically about wanting to be selfish and wanting to make yourself happy. We live in a world with alot of pressure and judgement. We’re told and expected to do this and that. Sometimes it can bring us alot of pain too. It’s ok to be seflish sometimes though. It’s just a way to show that you love yourself, to be happy, and there’s nothing wrong with that! In my personal circumstances, I have a hard time doing what I want to do. Even the little things. I’m often made to feel bad about it. So this song is like my personal wish and reminder to myself. Over the years, I’ve been trying to learn to be a bit more selfish. I’ve been trying to do things that would make me happy, even for a little bit. Be it a once in a while trip somewhere, or finally going to a concert to see and meet my favorite artist. I’m still guilt tripped, and face alot of negativity…but I hope I can do more things to make me happy.

I wanna be selfish
I still have a lot of wishes
I don’t wanna adjust to the standards of the world
I’m better off doing it my way

Sometime being selfish
Don’t misunderstand, I don’t have bad intentions

Let me be a little more honest
I love myself

Moon Byul (MAMAMOO) Feat. Seul Gi (Red Velvet)| Seflish |Trans: Popgasa

타블로 Tablo| 유통기한

“Expiration Date” by Tablo is another song that hit a bit close to home for me. Again, sometimes I feel so worthless. One of my biggest fears is to be forgotten. I don’t think I have much of an impact on anyone or anything. It’s sad to think that way. Still, there are times I wonder if my existence had any point or effect anyone. There are times I just feel like it’s nothing, and surely no one would even notice or remember. It’s sad to think I’d be forgotten, and no one would notice or remember.

Even if I look at the clock
I don’t have time, goodbye now
Even if I look at the calendar
I don’t have any memories now
*I’m afraid I’ll be a book that no one reads
Music that no one listens to anymore
I’m afraid I’ll be abandoned like a movie playing in an empty theater
Even if I look at the phone
I don’t have any relationships now
Even if I look into the mirror
In there, there’s no confidence now

Tablo | 유통기한 | Trans: Popgasa

타블로 Tablo Feat. Bumkey| 밑바닥에서 (Try)

“From The Bottom (Try)” is another track from Tablo’s Fever’s End. It features Bumkey’s soulful and soothing voice. This is a song that Tablo definitely wrote with his wife and daughter in mind. For me there are several things about this song that really stuck with me. Sometimes, we’re in alot of pain and want to cry. We feel so burdened. However, it’s not only us who’s hurt. The ones who love and care for us are hurt too. It’s in those times you feel more hurt because you feel like you’ve brought them your burden. That because of you, they’ll certainly suffer too. We wish we could cry the tears for them. I’m sorry for dragging you down with me.

Oh, even if all the tears of the world
Are welled up in my small eyes
I wish I could shed your tears as well

Tablo Feat. Bumkey| 밑바닥에서 (Try) | Trans: Popgasa

The idea of bringing my loved ones down really hurts me. I love them. I love that they’re always there for me. They surely don’t deserve this unhappiness. They shouldn’t have to drown along with me. They don’t deserve that. I don’t want to repay their love, understanding and kindness with pain.

You could’ve rested under the sunlight in a green forest
But you, who walks with me in the rain under my rain cloud,
My love, an unfortunate person
This isn’t how my heart is
I didn’t become your better half in hope that you’d take half of my unhappiness

TABLO FEAT. BUMKEY| 밑바닥에서 (TRY) | TRANS: POPGASA

I want to cover my loved ones from the pain. I try to. I’d do all I can for them. I’m always ready for them to be their comfort and support. Yet, it also seems like I bring them sadness and pain too. Still, I want to try. I want to try all I can, and hope that I can pay back that happiness 100 fold.

That this small room and this low ceiling is the sky
That I am your umbrella and the rain

TABLO FEAT. BUMKEY| 밑바닥에서 (TRY) | TRANS: POPGASA

에픽하이 Feat. 김종완 (넬) Epik High Feat. Kim Jong Wan (Nell) | LOST ONE

This is another Epik High song featuring Kim Jong Wan from Nell. This song is when you feel hopeless and worthless. It’s for when you feel worn out by the world and the cruelty you face. It’s when you’re so overwhelmed by that sadness, hopelessness, and fear of losing everything.

Do you remember?
all the good times
Become dust and stack up
As if they’ll scatter with the slightest of winds
I’m afraid
I’m afraid

Epik High| Lost One | Trans: Popgasa

It’s for when you just feel utterly lost in this world. This one hit home for me. I the things I and people I love and live for, sometimes they cause me the greatest pain. I love them dearly, and I do everything and give all I have for them. Still, I end up crying alot…and still, it leaves me feeling dead inside at times.

I’m a lost one.
I’m a lost one.
Everything I love makes me cry.
Cuz I’m a lost one.
Yeah I’m a lost one.
All that I live for makes me die.

Epik High| Lost One | Trans: Popgasa

The song acknowledges the difficulty and pain one faces and endures. It conveys worry, and wishes that you don’t face as many difficulties. Again, I think part of this comes from Tablo’s personal experiences. He’s faced alot, and being a dad now, I know he feels for the younger generation. He ends it with a simple saying of encouragement:

Hope you have a long dream

EPIK HIGH| LOST ONE | TRANS: POPGASA

에픽하이 Epik High Feat. Amin J.| FLY

This is probably the most upbeat song in my playlist. This song is a hella OG Epik High song. It’s probably what helped them go mainstream. This Epik High song is meant to be about support. It acknowledges that things are tough, we may have things stacked against us, but we can still soar. We have our dreams, and we should be able to follow it and fly as high as we can. No matter what anyone says, we can fly.

Isn’t it tough? (It’s tough!)
Getting by everyday when you really don’t know
You’re in today, will you stay or are you out tomorrow?
Don’t know where to go
Left or right, just one wrong turn and it’s gone

Epik High|FLY| Trans: Yoonie @ Aheeyah

Every now and then my dreams start to fade
With every fall and failure something dies away
And every single time I close my eyes
I see what I want and wonder why I try
But slowly and steady, I’m getting closer still
I’m good enough to get there, I know I will
The obstacles I face, I’ll get over in time
The darker the night, the brighter stars will shine

Epik High|FLY| Trans: Yoonie @ Aheeyah

방탄소년단 BTS| Magic Shop

This is another BTS song. It’s a song meant to give strength and comfort. Especially to ARMY (BTS’ fans). I know some people don’t view K-Pop and idols very positively. I know that people don’t view BTS positively. Still, they went through alot of hardships to get to where they are. I’ve been following K-Pop since 2000-2001. I can honestly say that they seem like the most humble, genuine, and hard-working people I’ve seen. Sure, they’ve got some fun bops. However, alot of their songs are more than that. I think it’s amazing that they also try to convey messages through their music too. This song is about when you’re feeling down.When you’re full of hesitation, afraid that it’ll come back and ultimately leave you in pain. Sometimes we’re in alot of pain and darkness. We even tend to hate ourselves. We forget our worth, and we forget to love ourselves. “Magic Shop” is a reference to James Doty’s Into the Magic Shop. It’s sometimes hard to forgive and love oneself. Still, healing and loving oneself starts with opening up your heart. This song acknowledges that pain. However, it also reminds us that there’s so much good about us too. We give people alot of support and love during their times of despair. So we’re not alone. There are people thankful to us, and care about us. We forget that we also have a safe and loving place.

Days when you hate that you’re you, days when you wanna disappear
Let’s make a door in your heart
If you open that door and go inside, this place will be waiting for you
It’s ok to believe, it’ll comfort you, this Magic Shop

As you drink a cup of warm tea
As you look above to the Milky Way
You’ll be alright, oh this is a Magic Shop

방탄소년단 BTS| Magic Shop | Trans: Popgasa

크러쉬 Crush| Lay Your Head On Me

This song from Crush is very mellow and comforting. It’s a song that again acknowledges the pain and suffering one can go through. Sometimes things seem so dark and heavy that you’re just drowning in it. There are times where you wished you could be numb so you didn’t have to feel all of it. Crush acknowledges all of it, but he only sings a simple thing. That it’s okay, that a friend is here, and there’s a place to lean on. The gesture is more than enough.

I see you hurt, I see you sufferin’
You’re not alone, in case you’re wondering
Oh you can come to me
And lay your head on meCan see your lost, I see you strugglin’
Can’t even tell your friends from your enemies
But you can come to me
And lay your head on me

크러쉬 Crush| Lay Your Head On Me

I’m pretty wary of unsolicited advice. The thing is I know. I know what I’m dealing with, and sometimes things just aren’t easy and just can’t work the way you want it. I hate having people judge me or tell me the same things over and over again. Often times it’s something like, “You should do ____”. I have. I remember there was a time I tried all that I could. I tried so hard that my health took a hit. Things still didn’t work out. Yet, I had people telling me “You didn’t try hard enough” without knowing anything about me, my circumstances, or efforts. Sometimes, you don’t need people to say anything to you. Sometimes, you just need lean on someone and The act of comfort is more than enough.

And I know when days are dark and you drown in everything
And I know you try to numb cause’ you don’t wanna’ feel a thing
You know you can
Lay your head on me

크러쉬 Crush| Lay Your Head On Me